Double COVERage

Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 8th straight week.  Welcome to NFL Sunday. 

Get Blake Bortles some help

If you’ve followed this for a while now you know a few of my opinions. I like the Falcons and dislike kickers and the British. For some reason, I became attached to this Jacksonville Jaguars team last season. Maybe because they aren’t the typical NFL powerhouse franchise. Maybe I like their underdog mentality. Or maybe I love watching their defense which is one of the best in the NFL despite the disadvantage of being the only professional football team to wear teal uniforms. After making the AFC championship game last season and nearly beating the Patriots in New England, I expected the Jags to hit the ground running and continue their dominance. Instead they have done the exact opposite losing 4 out of their last 5 games. The Jaguar defense has been solid, but not spirit crushing like they were last year. The Jaguar offense is like taking a trip back in time and watching football from the year 1965. The Jags typically run the ball 3 times for a gain of 5 yards and punt the ball. It is impressive that Doug Marrone has such an appreciation for the history of football that he wants to run an offense from 1965.

The past 3 games the Jags offense has only managed a total of 28 points. Which is a lot of points in 1965. If it were 1965, this Jaguars team would be dominate, they would easily win the Super Bowl. Doug Marrone at this point has 2 choices: get some decent WRs for Blake Bortles to throw to, or build a time machine. Option one seems solid. Its been a big week for the haters and losers who diss Blake Bortles and there are many.  Bortles is not Aaron Rodgers, he’s not even Andy Dalton, but he did prove last year that he is capable of getting this team to the AFC championship. Bortles did this by a majority of the time throwing to a WR who was sleeping in his car at the start of the season. The Jags rewarded him with a contract extension this offseason. Did the Jags use their first round pick to take a WR to help out Bortles? No instead they drafted a defensive lineman, a position they did not need help at. This offseason the Jags let 2 of their WRs leave in free agency and did not draft a WR. Now that the offense is terrible and incapable of completing a pass did they go sign a WR? No they traded a 5th round pick for running back Carlos Hyde. It seems like Doug Marrone doesn’t want to see Blake Bortles to succeed at QB for the Jaguars, which brings us to option 2.

If Doug Marrone could put the Jaguars effort and resources into creating a time machine his team will definitely succeed. The type of offense he runs will be perfect in the year 1965 and the Jags will probably rewrite the record books when it comes to champions. Sure Jim Brown is good but Leonard Fournette would be considered an alien in 1965. The Jags run heavy and no pass offense will demolish the weaker competition in 1965. Finding a WR seems easy but is it really tougher than building a time machine and transporting the entire Jags team to 1965 to play football? I think all options should be considered.

Week 8 NFL Picks

All lines used from Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest

Eagles -3

Niners PK

Vikings PK

Eagles -3

Since Doug Marrone is going to keep Blake Bortles in a box and never let him cut it loose, The Jags offense will continue to struggle. This seems like the time the Jaguars will finally turn their season around. They are in need of a win, and everyone on the team knows it. The Jaguars had a players only meeting this week and cleared the air. And this game is being playing in London where the Jaguars play every year and have been very successful. Everything points to taking the Jaguars this week as an underdog except for.. their opponent. The only team with bigger expectations and more desperate to win than the Jaguars is the Eagles. This spot sucks for the Jaguars because the Eagles absolutely cannot lose this game. If the Super Bowl champs drop to 3-5 their chances to win the NFC East might be done. The Eagles let the game last week against the Panthers get away from them and they can’t let it happen again vs the Jags.

Niners PK

3 weeks ago the Niners lost at home to Arizona and gave the Cardinals their first win. Part of the reason the Cardinals won that game was thanks to 5 Niner turnovers. Since then the Niners have been competitive agsinst good teams like the Packers and Rams, and the Cardinals have fallen off the face of the earth, losing at home to the Broncos 45-10. Arizona got their one division win against the Niners thanks in large part to luck and they won’t get another one. The Niners may have lost Jimmy G for the season but they are still a better team than the Cardinals.

Vikings PK

Sunday night football. Rematch from the most incredible playoff game in the history of the NFL. The Saints will be looking for revenge after the Vikings knocked them out of the playoffs last season. New Orleans has also won 5 games in a row and is looking like a juggernaut. Seems like the perfect place to bet on the Saints right? Maybe not that simple. The Saints are in a real tough spot here going on the road for the second straight week to play a difficult opponent. The Saints were lucky to win last Sunday in Baltimore. New Orleans finally returns home next sunday to take on the team with the best record in the league, the LA Rams.  The Vikings under Mike Zimmer have been great as a home team going 21-8 ATS since he became head coach. The Vikings are also getting back Everson Griffin after missing the last 3 games. With the Saints in such a difficult position its going to be tough for them to win this game. The line for this game should probably be Vikings -3 or at least -2.5 and its somehow a Pick ’em. Ill take the home team, better defense, and the value.

Record to Date: 8-12-1

Thank you for reading, and Happy NFL Sunday.

Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 7th straight week.  Welcome to NFL Sunday. 

Jason Garrett is the human version of 8-8

ANY GIVEN SUNDAY. The saying goes that any day in the NFL anything can happen. Last Sunday the Jaguars went into Dallas to play the Cowboys as a -3 point favorite. Most people predicted the Jaguars defense which was one of the best in the league last season would torture the Cowboys and Dak Presscott who seems unable to throw for more than 200 yards in a game. The exact opposite happened, the Cowboys destroyed the Jaguars 40-7. It seems impossible to predict the outcome of Cowboys games. One week they are blowing out the best defense in the NFL and the next week they are getting destroyed by the Mediocre Seahawks. Why do the Cowboys make it difficult on those of us who wager on these games. The real reason behind the Cowboys inconsistency is head coach Jason Garrett. The man is a living, speaking, breathing, embodiment of 8-8. He is the head coach of one of the most popular teams in professional sports and he looks like he could be easily swapped out with the average Best Buy employee. Having a job that many people in the world strive their entire lives to get should come with a certain level on confidence and swagger. Instead Jason Garrett has a look permanently on his face that Jerry Jones is holding his family hostage and will kill them if the Cowboys don’t make the playoffs.

Throughout Jason Garrett’s career as the Cowboys head coach the team has won 1 playoff game, and finished with an 8-8 record 3 times. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the Cowboys are more likely to finish 8-8 with Jason Garrett as the head coach than win a playoff game. The only person who hasn’t figured this out yet is Jerry Jones. That’s because the Cowboys owner doesn’t actually want a successful coach who leads the team to the playoffs. He wants a puppet who won’t get upset when the team owner publicly calls out the team and players. Jerry Jones claims all he wants is the Cowboys to win another Super Bowl in his lifetime yet he is perfectly happy to have push over Jason 8-8 Garrett as the head coach. Jerry Jones is about as indecisive as a teenage girl. The Cowboys are 3-3 through six games but anyone who tells you they are confident the Cowboys will win the NFC East or even make the playoffs is a liar. The Cowboys are the embodiment of their head coach, and their head coach is the embodiment of 8-8.

We won 2 wars against England why do we play NFL games there?

Its that time of year again where the NFL makes 2 poor teams fly all the way across the Atlantic Ocean to play a football game in front of the miserable soccer fan Brits. The NFL claims this is good for the league to “grow the game” but these soccer loving clowns don’t deserve to watch American football. We beat them in two wars to assure we don’t have to share sports with them anymore. I’ll shamefully admit I watched a world cup match or 2 this summer but there was no real football on so what was I supposed to do?

The real problem with NFL games being played in London is I have to set my alarm for 6:30 AM on a Sunday in order to get up to watch the game. You might think it’s unnecessary to wake up and watch the entire London game because it starts at 6:30 AM Pacific time but then you aren’t a real football fan and you can stop reading right now. Of course its necessary to wake up and watch the game. First off, if you don’t get up and watch, then who is keeping an eye on your fantasy team? Second, if football is on TV its your job as an American to be watching it, not asleep ‘enjoying your weekend.’ That attitude is for haters and losers. Obviously the British don’t deserve to be watching our beautiful sport, but if we as Americans don’t get up and watch then we are letting them win. This fall get out there a do your duty as an American, watch football.

Week 7 NFL Picks

All Lines used from Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest

Jags -4.5

Niners +9.5

Ravens -2.5

Jags -4.5

Its been a rough couple weeks for the Jags. After starting the season 2-0 they are in danger of falling out of the playoff race after getting blown out on the road against the Chiefs and Cowboys. The Texans started off the season slow but have won 3 games in a row. So why is a team favored on a losing streak while hosting a team on a 3 game winning streak? This is the NFL not the NBA, water always finds its level. Teams are always more likely to finish 8-8 than 16-0 (this is not an excuse Jason Garrett win a playoff game why don’t you.). The Texans offensive line is terrible, exactly what the Jags defense needs is to restore the Sacksonville nickname. Texans QB Deshone Watson is banged up and playing through injury, he has yet to play division rival Jacksonville and it could be a rude awakening. The Jags have struggled to score but the Texans have struggled to stop anyone. The Jags have their backs against a wall at home in a divisional game and I except them to respond.

Niners +9.5

The Niners season appeared to be over when Jimmy G tore his ACL but since then the Niners offense hasn’t been as terrible as everyone expected. They’ve covered in 2 outta their last 3 games as a huge underdog keeping it close surprisingly with the Chargers and Packers. This Sunday they play the Rams who were already crowned this season’s Super Bowl champs in September but have failed to cover a spread since being crowned champs. The Rams have to go on the road for their 3rd straight game and this situation couldn’t be more perfect for the Niners. San Fran’s offense is good enough to keep it close with the Rams and while they may not win the game they should be able to score points and keep it in single digits.

Ravens -2.5

Last week I picked against the Ravens on the road at Tennessee, The Ravens had 11 sacks and allowed 0 points. As I was watching the game I realized something, the Ravens defense is good. Very good. V good. Enough said. The Ravens are going back home to Baltimore where they face the Saints who are coming off a bye. Taking the Saints as an underdog is appealing especially when they are off a bye. This could be why the Ravens are less than a FG favorite at home with an awesome defense. The best part about betting the Ravens as less than a FG favorite is Justin Tucker. One of the few kickers in the league who is automatic from any distance. The Saints offense is good and looked great the last time we saw them, but I’m confident in the better defense and the home team.

Record to Date: 8-9-1

Thank you for reading, and Happy NFL Sunday.

Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 6th straight week.  Welcome to NFL Sunday. 

Odell Beckham wins another sideline battle with inanimate objects

Last week Lil Wayne emerged from whatever cave he’s been hiding in since 2011 and dropped Tha Carter V. Why is this noteworthy at all? Because for some reason in all his album promotion he decided to do an interview on ESPN alongside Odell Beckham. That was mistake number one for OBJ, anytime Lil Wayne wants to sit in on your interview, just say no. OBJ and Lil Wayne mumbled through the interview like their trying to drop a mixtape on soundcloud, and through all the mumbling they gave an interesting answer to a question about Giants QB Eli Manning. The aftermath this week from OBJ’s comments on Eli have been heard throughout the NFL world. Giants coach, and future scapegoat, Pat Shurmer was reportedly pissed about Odell’s interview and comments on his QB. The media spent the whole week discussing how Odell’s comments will effect the Giants going forward, Odell’s behavior, and is Odell hurting the Giants. What could Odell have said about his teammate to get everyone so fired up and start questioning Odell’s motives? OBJ said Eli is not going to move around in the pocket much, and not going to throw the ball deep and take the top off a defense. That’s it.

OBJ didn’t say Eli is washed up (he is). He didn’t say the offensive line is garbage and can’t give Eli time to throw (they are). He didn’t say Eli will never be as good as Peyton and should have retired 2 years ago (again all true). Odell said an honest statement and it wasn’t even that honest. Some years ago everyone involved in the NFL had a meeting and decided that the Manning family is a sacred cow and absolutely no one will be allowed to disgrace them. Even if the little brother of the Manning family has been keeping one of the marquee franchises in the league in first gear for the last 2 years, don’t anyone dare say he isn’t one of the top QBs in the league. Let the Giants have another 3-13 season but no one say a bad word about Eli.

Thursday night was more of the same for the Giants and Eli. Sitting at 1-4 and playing at home with their backs against the wall this was exactly the type of situation where you expect a team to come out fighting for their season. Instead the Giants failed to move the ball on offense through the air because Eli Manning is basically as useful as a mannequin at this point. The only time the Giants were able to move the ball was with rookie RB Saquon Barkley. As good as Barkley was he would have looked a lot better if he had a QB who could pretend to throw the ball farther than 10 yards so defense couldn’t stack the box against him. Saquon may go on to be one of the best RBs in the league but drafting him #2 overall is a spot where most people assumed the Giants would take a QB, you know, cause Eli sucks for all the reasons listed above. I don’t blame the Giants for passing on a QB to take Saquon but they are getting what they deserve. Eli throwing 15 check down passes a game to Barkley and putting up 13 points a game in a must win game. OBJ didn’t handle losing well either. Mid way through the third quarter he got in another fight with an inanimate object, sticking his facemask into a fan on the sideline and yelling at it.  Is Odell really upset with another random object on the Giants sideline? No he might as well be yelling at that inanimate object to pass him the ball downfield cause we know Eli isn’t able to.

Week 6 NFL Picks

All Lines used from Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest

Colts +2.5

Steelers +2.5

Titans +3

Colts +2.5

Indy is coming off an impressive 14 point loss to the Patriots. Any time you go into New England and only lose by 2 TDs it sort of is a moral victory. Either way the Colts played last Thursday so they are getting a nice 10 days rest before going back east to New Jersey to take on the little brother of New York football teams the Jets. (Seriously how ironic is it that the “Eli Manning little brother” of New York football is the team that the real Eli Manning doesn’t play for.) The Jets are playing their second straight home game after destroying the Broncos last week 34-16. Take away last week and the Jets have been terrible all season. Last Sunday they had the benefit of facing the Broncos on a long trip in a tough spot. This week is the opposite where the Colts have the benefit of the extra rest. The Jets will come back to earth this week and play like they have most of the season.

Steelers +2.5

The Bengals have been a surprise team this season starting 4-1. Last week they beat the Dolphins at home 27-17 thanks to two 4th quarter pick sixes from Miami. (Side note: I picked the Dolphins +6 and they were ahead 17-0 and somehow didn’t cover. Ryan Tannehill is forever dead to me after those pick sixes). The Steelers have had a rough season so far but last Sunday found the cure for their problems, playing the Falcons garbage defense. Big Ben has been great in his home state of Ohio and has owned the Bengals and Browns during his career. Sure the Bengals have surprised teams this season, but this is week everything goes back to normal. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Water is wet, fire is hot, and the Steelers beat up on the Browns and Bengals. Its just the way things are.

Titans +3

how? HOW?!?!?!? How is it possible the Titans are home underdogs again?! Who is setting these lines? Sure the Titans lost to the worst team in the league last week the Bills but they dropped a TD in the endzone and it was on the road. The Titans are still a good team especially on defense. They also happen to be playing the Ravens who are playing their third straight road game. Both these teams have great defenses with average offense who want to run the ball. Both teams want to kick long field goals and hold the opponents to long field goal attempts. They are almost copies of each other with similar results throughout the season. So again how is the home team a +3 point underdog instead of a -3 point favorite. This line is completely off and I will take the Titans as a home dog any week. In case you’re still worried the Titans have been money as a home dog and haven’t lost a home game to an AFC team since 2016. How is this line the way it is? I still don’t have a good answer but I don’t care I’m taking advantage.

Record to Date: 7-7-1 (Ryan Tannehill dead to me forever)

Thank you for reading, and Happy NFL Sunday.

Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 5th straight week.  Welcome to NFL Sunday. 

We are 1/4 of the way through the NFL season and the league is finally starting to take shape. Each week we learn a little more about each team and try our best to predict where they will finish at the end of the year. After 4 weeks we know at least something about each team. Here’s some things I know are 100% true and will not change.

Patrick Mahomes is the greatest QB of all time

Last Monday night the Kansas City Chiefs were down 10 in the 4th quarter playing in a hostel environment. It looked like their undefeated season was going to come to an end. Patrick Mahomes carved up the Broncos defense, scored two 4th quarter TDs and even completed a pass left handed. The Chiefs remained undefeated and Patrick Mahomes has jumped up the leaderboard of MVP candidates. Mahomes has been nothing short of incredible in his first 4 games this season throwing for 1,200 yards, 14 TDs and 0 ints. The question is no longer is Patrick Mahomes the greatest QB in the league, but is he the greatest of all time? There absolutely no way Mahomes slows down at the pace he is currently at. It’s not like he’s playing for a coach who has been known to start out the season hot then falter in the playoffs when it actually matters, not a chance! At this point the rest of the league can only hope and pray that Mahomes decides to take a year or two off to play baseball cause there is not stopping this kid. It’s not like NFL defenses have historically caught up to young QBs games once they see some tape on them. Most defenses just hope their teams offense can outscore Mahomes! Which is nearly impossible, Mahomes is going to win the MVP, throw for 56 TDs and 0 ints. And there isn’t a thing the rest of the league can do to stop it. Mahomes only real flaw is he sounds like Kermit the frog.

The Rams are definitely for sure 100% going to win the Super Bowl

We are going to play 12 more weeks of football plus the playoffs because its the American way but honestly we don’t really need to waste our time playing the games. The Rams might as well be given the Lombardi trophy now. The 4-0 Rams are not just the best team in football but they are already the super bowl champs. They clearly are an unbeatable team, every game they’ve played so far has been a rout. The NFL has NEVER seen a team start off the season really hot in September and then cool off before the playoffs start. Similar to Mahomes success there seems to be no end in sight for the Rams. If only opposing defenses were able to watch film and catch onto what McVay and company are doing.  The Rams offense has been unstoppable with a 22 year old QB and a star WR who was traded by 2 super bowl winning coaches. The Rams defense signed a few players who’s names people have heard before so they must be good. There is absolutely no way a young coach with a young QB and a defense full of guys who weren’t on the team last year end up losing in the playoffs when the games get tight. Absolutely no way. Hand the Rams the Trophy now.

Roughing the Passer calls are ruining football

As much as I love watching the NFL every second of every Sunday and 3 hours on Monday and Thursday nights. I have almost had to stop watching this season because the refs and NFL rules committees are ruining the game with these soft rules of roughing the passer. Sure it’s still football and there has always been bad calls and roughing the passer is only called a few times a game but when its called it hurts me so bad I would almost rather be watching soccer. I don’t even understand why they want to keep the QBs healthy in the first place. Watching Aaron Rodgers last season get his collar bone snapped was one of the most enjoyable moments of the season for me. Nothing would make me happier than watching some defender knock Tom Brady into retirement with a late hit to the head but NOOO. The NFL won’t allow these defenders to even get a couple late shots to the body in any more. I’m sick and tired of the softness of “player safety” and “wanting our players to live a long and healthy live after football.” I may just give up on the NFL and their softness and watch something with more realistic action like the WWE

NFL Week 5 Picks

All Lines used from Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest

Dolphins +6

Raiders +5.5

Seahawks +7.5

Dolphins +6

Miami started the season with a surprising 3 wins and the 22 people in Florida who care about Dolphins football were really excited. Then last Sunday their older brother the Patriots smacked them around 38-7. Clearly the Dolphins were much more overrated than their 3-0 record showed, but the overreaction to last Sunday’s game has the Dolphins as almost a TD underdog at Cincinnati this weekend. The Bengals did pull out a win last Sunday against the Falcons JV defense and that could also contribute to this line being as high as it is. The Dolphins losing by 30+ on the road is a tough spot to go back on the road, but… Teams on a second road game in a row after losing by 30+ are 40-19-1 historically ATS in their next game (probably because those teams are normally big underdogs.) The Dolphins may not be an undefeated team but they also aren’t as bad as they looked last Sunday against the Patriots. Like most teams they are somewhere in between good and terrible, and that’s enough to cover in Cincinnati.

Raiders +5.5

The Raiders go to LA this Sunday in a game between 2 teams who are not as bad as their records appear. The Raiders are 1-3 coming off their first win at home over the Browns. The Chargers are 2-2 but have lost to the Rams and the Chiefs maybe the best 2 teams in the league. 2 reasons I really like the Raiders getting the extra points. First they are better than a 1-3 team. They’ve been ahead in the 4th quarter in every game this season and have a great record ATS. The second reason is why I really like the Raiders. This game is a home game for the Chargers and the line is set as is normally would be. But this game will be a crowd of 95% Raiders fans. The Chargers do not have an actual home field advantage. This week at practice the Chargers had crowd noise pumped in to prepare for the black hole to take over their home stadium Sunday. It is a sad day for the 12 people in LA who care about the Chargers but Many more people in LA are still Raiders fans. I really like the Raiders getting the extra points in a situation where the entire crowd will be rooting for them.

Seahawks +7.5

The Seahawks are hosting the Rams Sunday who I already decided have won the Super Bowl. The Rams are coming off a Thursday game so they have extra rest. Last season the Rams went into Seattle and absolutely demoralized the Seahawks 42-7. So why would anyone think the Seahawks could win against the Rams? First Seattle is still the toughest place to play in the NFL. The Seahawks have only had one home game this season and they beat the Cowboys easily. Second the Seahawks have not been this big of a home underdog since the 2011 playoffs when Marshawn Lynch ran through the Saints and won the game outright. Third, last season after the seahawks season appeared to be lost they were almost a TD underdog against the super bowl favorite Eagles, and the Seahawks won outright. Any given Sunday anything can happen, and every NFL Sunday something weird happens. The Seahawks will show up for this game and keep it within a TD.

Record to Date: 6-5-1

Thank you for reading, and Happy NFL Sunday.

Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 4th straight week.  Welcome to NFL Sunday. 

Thoughts and Prayers

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of the incredibly handsome Jimmy G’s 2018 season. It was a season filled with Porn star dates, and high expectations. Gone too soon was handsome Jimmy G season and yet somehow he ended up losing me picks twice. Last season the Niners started CJ Beathard for the first 11 games of the season and it went terrible. The NFL has the Niners Scheduled for 6 primetime games this season. Probably because they knew the viewing public can’t look away when handsome Jimmy is on the screen. Now the NFL is stuck with CJ Beathard sucking it up on primetime, most likely getting blown out in every game. Many people are suggesting the Niners trade for a QB in an attempt to spare the NFL viewing public from having to watch CJ Beathard start games in the NFL. I disagree, I believe the Niners should start CJ Beathard all year because he can deliver something no other QB can, a number one overall pick in the NFL draft. If the Niners really want a future where Jimmy G leads them to a Super Bowl why not take advantage of this injury and lose every game the rest of the year in order to get the first pick in the draft. Get the first pick in the draft and take Ed Oliver from Houston or Nick Bosa from Ohio State. Adding one of these stud D-linemen to San Fran who already has Deforest Buckner, is going to be a force for years to come. Commit to starting CJ Beatherd the rest of the season and the Niners might as well be on the clock for the 2019 NFL draft.

While the Niners season may be over, let’s not take too much time to feel sorry for Jimmy G. Having his season end and letting all his teammates down must be a terrible feeling. I’m sure Jimmy will be able to cheer himself up with his 137 millions dollars and a few more dates with porn stars.

“We’re onto Cincinnati”

 One of my favorite early NFL season traditions is when we all as fans, media, Red Blooded Americans bury the Patriots dynasty after a September loss. Last season it was losing at home to Kansas City and Carolina. This year it’s losses to Jacksonville and Detroit. A few years ago the Patriots went to Kansas City in week 4 and lost 41-14. Every single American outside of the New England area buried the Pats, Brady, and Belichick in that order. Bill Belicheat famously went to a Microphone and repeated the phrase “we’re onto Cincinnati.” From their the Patriots went onto win the SuperBowl* (*after winning an AFC Championship game where they illegally deflated footballs, then lied about deflated the illegal footballs and also the Seahawks could have just gave the ball to Marshawn Lynch on the goal line and they win and I don’t even have to write about this part.) The Patriots have officially made it to the “we’re onto Cincinnati” part of their season. If history has taught us anything its that the Patriots will come out this week and smack the Dolphins by 30 this week and go on to make the Super Bowl. I’d be a fool to tell you anything besides that will happen.

I’m taking a knee in protest of the Falcons Defense sucking

Last Sunday I had to witness an absolutely horrific event. I was forced to watch my Atlanta Falcons lose in OT against the New Orleans Saints. Nothing is worse in sports than a player intentionally trying to injury another player. The Head Coach of the Saints, Sean Payton, once had a locker room where he allowed players to pay each other to intentionally injure players from the other team. It is absolutely horrible that this man was allowed to keep his job. Unfortunately for the Falcons have lost 4 defensive starters to injury for the season. Those injuries were probably completely a coincidence but after playing the Saints it does make you wounder if all those Falcons players were intentionally injured by Evil Sean Payton and the Aints.

Whether Falcons players were intentionally injured by the Aints or not does not make it easier for the Falcons to stop someone on defense. The Falcons became only the second team in NFL history to score 37+ points at home, not turn the ball over and still lose the game. Matt Ryan also had the highest QBR of all time of a losing QB. Both Falcons starting Safteys are done for the season. If only a Pro Bowl caliber safety was available to sign at this point in the season. There was one guy, Eric Reid. You may remember him as the guy who lost his job because he took a knee with Colin Kaepernick. Thursday morning Eric Reid signed a contract with Falcons division rival Carolina. Atlanta had a chance to improve their defense but instead now I have to watch them give up 40+ points week after week. I may just take a knee in protest of having to watch the Falcons until their defense gets healthy.

NFL Week 4 Picks

All Lines used from Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest

Bengals +4

Raiders -2.5

Lions +3

Bengals +4

The Falcons are still favored at home in this game because they do have a high powered offense, but as I stated above their defense really is in trouble. Cincinnati has not had trouble moving the ball all season, putting up point totals of 34, 34, and 21. Even with some key Bengal players banged up their offense will have no trouble moving the ball on the Falcons. The Bengals defense has given up points also which means this game will most likely be a shootout, not a blow out. The Falcons have played in these type of shootout games plenty of times during the Matt Ryan era. The Falcons definitely have a good chance to win this game, but in the type of game where who ever has the ball last is most likely to win, I like the team who is getting the extra points.

Raiders -2.5

The 0-3 Raiders are looking more and more like a disaster with Jon Gruden taking over this season. This Sunday they take on Baker Mayfield and the Cleveland Browns. The Browns are coming off their first win in 635 days last Thursday night. In that win Baker Mayfield replaced Tyrod Taylor and lit the world on first leading the Browns to a come from behind win. The NFL world is fired up about Baker Mayfield and with good reason, but he is making his first career start on the road. Last week he did look great but he did not have a TD pass and his comeback was against the Jets, who might be terrible. The Raiders might be 0-3 but they have been ahead in every game in the second half. The Raiders are going to play like a desperate team who feels like they must win a home game against the lowly Browns. Baker Mayfield may lead the Browns to greatness one day but not on the road in his first start against a desperate team trying to save their season.

Lions +3

The Lions opened the season with maybe the single worst performance in the history of football on Monday night at home against the Jets. The Lions looked as if they had quit on the 2018 season before the 4th quarter of the first game started. Since then the Lions have actually been pretty decent. They were able to comeback and backdoor cover against the Niners in week 2. Then last Sunday they beat Matt Patricia’s old boss Bill Belichick and the Patriots in Detroit. Maybe the Lions aren’t as bad as the Jets made them look. Dallas is coming off a loss in Seattle where they lost Linebacker Sean Lee to injury. As soon as Lee left the game the mediocre Seahawks offense was able to move the ball all day on the Cowboys. Dak Prescott on the other side of the ball is incapable of throwing for  200 yards. Dallas is a mess and will struggle to move the ball against even a decent defense. The Lions will keep it rolling this week while the Cowboys need to look for answers.

Record to Date: 3-5-1

Thank you for reading, and Happy NFL Sunday.

Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the third straight week.  Welcome to NFL Sunday. 

"They say a tie is like kissing your sister, I guess that is better than kissing your brother." - Lou Holtz

Football is back? FOOTBALL is back!!! So back that I’ve spent the last 3 weekends doing nothing but watching 14+ hours of football a day and it can’t possibly get any better, until it just did. Cause we are only in week 3 and just getting started.

All kickers suck

Last Sunday was chaotic, among the early games was two of the biggest rivals in the NFL, the Packers and Vikings. Both teams entered the season with high expectations and a W in this game could go a long way in winning the NFC North. I stupidly took the Vikings -1 thinking their defense would be able to slow down Aaron Rodgers (which they did for a play or 2). What should have been a classic OT game was overshadowed by the fact both teams had chances to hit make able game winning FGs and had kickers who missed. A game which should have been a deciding factor in the NFC North battle ended in to tie, a tie?!?! Vikings fans should have woke up feeling great about their team. They finally have a QB who can go drive for drive with Aaron Rodgers in a duel, on top of the best defense in the NFC. Instead they get to listen to their coach try to explain why he is cutting their 5th round draft pick kicker. A tie leaves everyone with a strange empty feeling. You spent almost 4 hours watching a game to end up with no real results. I don’t know how to feel about the Vikings or Packers, since it was a tie, I don’t actually know which team is better. I do know one thing for sure though, a tie is nothing like kissing your sister.

Where the hell did that phrase even come from? Was some guy kissing his sister one day and thought “wow this is gross and should never happen, sort of like a tie in a football game.” I understand the thinking, but whatever guy come up with this idea was not involved in a tie, it was a Loss. Make no mistake about it, anytime you end up kissing your sister, that is no tie. Its a loss. The NFL does not have a sister kissing problem, because that would be weird and wrong, but it does have a problem with it’s OT rules. Any time we have back to back weeks with a tie, something needs to change. Should the NFL put together a huge committee of old white guys to decide how best to avoid this problem? No way I can solve all their problems right now, get rid of kickers.

It really was a tough weekend for kickers. Not only did the Vikings kicker blow it twice but the Browns did another Browns thing and let a kicker with a hurt groin miss 2 potentially game winning kicks. If the NFL would just consider eliminating the position of place kicker the game of football would be saved. Does football really need kickers? Most of them are small skinny guys who have nothing to common with the 300 LB muscled freaks that are real football players. If all kickers just left NFL locker room tomorrow, no one would notice. Finally real football players would get a chance to decide the outcomes of games instead of these nerds. Punters can leave too while we’re at it, go for it every 4th down. Will the NFL consider this? Not a chance, they are too busy worrying about pointless things like “player safety”

Remembering the great career of Vontae Davis

I wanted to take some time in the middle of this blog to write about the wonderful accomplishments in the career of Vontae Davis. What a special player and incredible talent. I even created a list of all the things that made him great. First: best defensive player on a terrible Colts Defense for years. Second: a real hard worker who never gave up no mat…..

The Steelers still haven’t won a game

Every year before the season starts a number of ‘experts’ pick the Steelers to make the Super Bowl. This is because the AFC is trash and they don’t want to pick the Patriots every time. Its not like this is a terrible pick, on paper the Steelers have the best RB and WR in the NFL. And a QB who has already won the franchise 2 Super Bowls. However it was easy to see the drama of the Steelers coming from a mile away. Le’veon Bell made it clear he was not going to play this season with his current contract and everyone knew it besides the Steelers ownership and players. With Bell grabbing all the headlines the first week of the season, Antonio Brown decided he needed some attention and didn’t show up to work Monday after losing in their home opener to the Chiefs. To add insult to injury, AB tweeted at a scout that the Steelers should trade him to prove he would still be good with another team. The Kardashians would say this team is dramatic and dysfunctional. The reality is the Steelers haven’t won a game yet because their defense is not good. The good news is their offense is talented enough to carry them to plenty of wins and a playoff appearance. All this drama has one cure and one cure only, win a game.

NFL Week 3 Picks

All Lines used from Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest

Texans -6

Ravens -5.5

Niners +7 (buy 1/2 point -140) 

Texans -6

Week 3 brings up the opportunity to bet on a desperate 0-2 hoping to keep their playoff hopes alive. Problem with this game is, there are 2 of those teams. The Texans are coming off back to back road games to open the season and here’s what we know about the Texans so far. They have a solid defense, an incredible QB and WR combo with Deshaun Watson and Deandre Hopkins. And they have the worst offensive line in the history of football. If Watson has longer than .25 seconds to throw a pass before he gets hit he might actually be a game changing QB. Good news for this week is the Giants offense might be in worse shape than the Texans when it comes to moving the ball. Last Sunday in Dallas the Giants looked more like a HS offense until the 4th quarter when the Cowboys defense went into prevent coverage. The Giants are also without their best pass rusher Olivier Vernon. The Texans are the better team and should win easy in their home opener.

Ravens -5.5

The Ravens are coming off 10 days rest, playing in Cinci last Thursday night, in a game where they looked very mediocre. Before week 2 the Ravens absolutely destroyed the Bills in Baltimore 47-3. I expect that team to show up at home against the Broncos Sunday. The Broncos are 2-0 to start the season with unconvincing wins at home over the Seahawks and Raiders. Denver is about to play their first game of the season away from home, traveling east for an early game. Every advantage their should go to the Ravens. Broncos QB Case Keenum has been solid but careless with the ball throwing 4 INTs in the first 2 games. A John Harbaugh coached defense will always take advantage of QBs who are careless with the ball. The Ravens should take advantage of the rest and home field.

Niners +7 (buy 1/2 -140)

DOES ANYONE KNOW A GOOD TAILOR SO WE CAN FIT FUTURE HALL OF FAMER PAT MAHOMES FOR HIS GOLD JACKET. The Pat Mahomes hype is real after 2 games leading the NFL with 10 TD passes. Its easy to believe Mahomes is the real deal after seeing him go to LA and beat the Chargers week 1 then turn around and beat the Steelers week 2 in Pittsburgh. So why in the world would I bet against this guy going into his home opener? Simple, the Kansas City defense is very bad. The Chiefs defense is giving up the most yards per game in the league at 508 per game, that is FCS college level bad. I still love my guy Jimmy G and Kyle Shanahan even after they were back door covered last week. The Niners should be able to move the ball all day in KC and if Jimmy G can play anywhere close to Mahomes his team will be in the game. I like the Niners to keep this game within a TD and even have a chance to win against the terrible Chiefs Defense.

Record to Date: 2-3-1

Thank you for reading, and Happy NFL Sunday.

Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for 2 straight weeks.  Welcome to NFL Sunday. 

"When you have all the free Hooters and Corona you want, what else could you need?" -Jon Gruden

Week 1 of the NFL in the books and having football back in your life is an indescribable feeling. So many happy familiar feelings like the Browns somehow managing to not win a game, Detroit Lions fans realizing life is hopeless,  or Aaron Rodgers ripping the hearts out of an entire team and fanbase.  Sunday was filled with some great games but none better than the Primetime matchup of Chicago and Green Bay. DA Bears came out and dominated the first 3 quarters on the back of their most recent trade acquisition Khalil Mack. The Bears defense looked like they were ready to roll through the league after holding the Packers to to just a field goal through 3 quarters and securing 2 turnovers, including a Pick Six from Mack. By the time Bears fans had dusted off their 1985 Jackets and hats, Aaron Rodgers returned in the 4th quarter and proceeded to rip out the hearts of every man women and child in Chicago. The Packers ended up winning but the Chicago defense has people excited. Any time a defenders name is trending on twitter during a game it either means its Marcus Peters and he lost his mind and starting throwing flags at people, or that player is having a dominating performance. Khalil Mack had himself one of those nights Sunday.

If you’re an Oakland Raiders fan, Khalil Mack’s Sunday night performance was nothing new. Mack has been dominating offensive lines in Oakland since he entered the league in 2014. He’s made pro bowls, all pro teams, and even won the defensive player of the year in 2016. So why would Oakland trade a player who is clearly one of the best at his position in the league? Enter Jon Gruden, you may know him as the happiest man on earth who spends a majority of his time drinking Coronas, eating at Hooters, or watching Monday Night Football games. The Raiders coach who’s first major decision as head coach was to trade the all pro Linebacker to the Bears. Jon Gruden spent the last 8 years watching every team in the league up close calling games on Monday Night Football. With all that exposure to NFL teams Gruden should know most teams don’t have a pass rusher as great as Khalil Mack, yet Gruden shopped Mack around to 6 teams before sending him to the Bears. What did the Raiders get in return for Mack? A whole bunch of draft picks? Life is tough as a Raiders fan when you’re hoping ‘first round pick 2020’ gets a sack every Sunday.

Life can’t get much harder on a football fan in Oakland. Not only did your team just trade the best player on your defense but in two years your team is moving (again) to the desert in Las Vegas where people only care about who’s gonna cover the spread (trust me I know). Oakland has been a great football fan base, the Blackhole is home to ‘the most notorious fans in the NFL.’ How do they get rewarded? By having to watch home games in a baseball stadium. While Minnesota, Atlanta, and LA are all getting brand new state of the art billion dollar stadiums; the Raiders are stuck watching a team they know will leave in two years. The Raiders and Oakland would be like if a married couple agreed it wasn’t working and decided to get a divorce, but lets still live together for 3 more years since neither of us can afford a new place. I’m sure that situation has happened, but no chance it ended well. And the man Oakland has hired to make the smooth transition is busy signing old washed up players to the oldest roster in the league.

Being a charismatic football coach can do a long way but Jon Gruden has made a career off of his personality. Once he retired the first time he made millions off of Corona, Hooters, and MNF. Still a 10 year 100 million dollar contarct was too much for him to pass up. So Gruden left his paradise of Hooters wings and Corona and headed back to Oakland. This contract Gruden got answered a question I have always wanted to know. If I had all the Hooters and Corona I wanted, how much money would it cost me to give that up? The answer, 100 million dollars.

Anyone who is a defender of his would argue he is putting the team in position to win in two years when they move to Las Vegas. Having an extra 2 first round picks could be huge for the teams future. Here’s the problem, the NFL draft is an imperfect system. First round picks don’t always turn out to be great players. Khalil Mack is a great player and there is no guessing about that, ask Aaron Rodgers. Think about it this way; if you won the lottery, would you take your winnings and go buy more lottery tickets? Who needs Lottery winnings though when you’re Jon Gruden? The man has all the Corona and Hooters he wants, what else could you need?

NFL Week 2 Picks

All Lines used from Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest

Titans +3.5

Vikings -2.5

Niners -6

Titans +3.5

Marcus Mariota is hurt. Left Tackle Taylor Lewan is out. The Titans lost week 1 to the Dolphins. Perfect chance for a turnaround game. Everyone expects the Titans to lose this game to the Texans and the now healthy (or is he) Deshaun Watson. Which is exactly why I love the value of Titans as a +3 point home underdog. The Titans have been great at home against AFC teams, going 5-1-1 ATS in their last 7. To top it off this is a back to back road game to open the season for the Texans. Teams that open the season with back to back road games are 0-12 ATS in week 2. Titans should be in this game in their home opener

Vikings -2.5

Aaron Rodgers is playing on one leg, and that did not stop him from leading a 24 point comeback against the Bears Sunday night. Aaron Rodgers on one leg is better than most NFL QBs on two. Vikings coach Mike Zimmer said it best when he said Rodgers “walks on water.”  Regardless of how healthy he is, the Minnesota Vikings are the better team in this matchup. Aside from Rodgers, the Vikings are better at nearly every position on the depth chart. On top of that Minnesota was the best team in the League ATS last season. This game could go a long way in deciding who wins the NFC North and I’ll take the better team as a small road favorite.

Niners -6

ANYONE WHO JUMPED OFF THE JIMMY G BANDWAGON AFTER WEEK ONE STOP READING NOW YOU DONT DESERVE TO ENJOY THE HANDSOMENESS OF JIMMY. So Jimmy G threw a few picks in week one. He was also playing on the road against one of the best defenses in the league. This week Jimmy G and the Niners are back home against the Detroit Lions. How did the Lions do week 1? They were embarrassed in front of the entire country on Monday Night football, getting destroyed by the lowly Jets 48-17. There was talk in the offseason that Lions players hated new coach Matt Patricia and his Belichick style discipline. Yelling at players and acting like an A-hole really works,  if you’re Bill Belichick and you have 7 Super Bowl rings. If you’re some weirdo with an untrimmed beard and a backwards hat, it doesn’t work. Niners roll the dysfunctional Lions at home by double digits.

Record to Date: 1-1-1

Thank you for reading. See you next week. 

Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the next 4 months Welcome to NFL Sunday.

"If you want to be taken seriously, be consistent" - Bob Wyile

As the weather cools down and the sprinkler heads water grass on an empty field while Liev Schreiber talks in the background for an intro to a hard knocks episode, these signs can point to only one thing; Football is back! Its almost as if a small trigger in my brain goes off and sends a message that says “hey there’s something to look forward too besides endless baseball games again.” Ever since I was 6 years old I would get excited for this time of year, to smell the fresh cut grass and hear an old white man yell about how stretching didn’t win world war 2. This time of year is special, its something you can always count on. Much like taxes, or Ray Lewis talking too long any time he’s given a microphone, football is something that is always consistent. Every year no matter what life throws at you, there will always be football in September, and it feels good to know when something is consistent. For my entire 20 year football watching career I’ve been able to find comfort in the things that stay the same. Such as Bill Belichick hating the media, a Manning brother making a dad joke. or RG3 being injured. This season however is starting to feel different.

I started paying attention to football right around the turn of the century. I’ve only ever known a world where the Browns and the Jets suck. No matter what else is happening in the league I can always count on the Browns and the Jets throwing out some terrible QB, winning between 4-5 games, combined, and missing the playoffs. Being bad for a season or 2 is not uncommon in the NFL but this habitual losing is astonishing. 2017 was across the board typical Browns and Jets. Cleveland started Deshone Kizer all season, who said he was a cross between Cam Newton and Tom Brady but was more like Cam Newton if he threw left handed and Tom Brady if he were brain dead. The Browns almost won a game or 2 but ended the season 0-for.

The Jets on the other hand have at least seen some success in the past decade. Back to back years the Jets played in the AFC Championship and even beat the Patriots in the playoffs. However even when the Jets team was capable of winning a championship, their QB was hotdog eating loser Mark Sanchez. If only they had a QB they would be contenders. The story has continued for the Jets since Joe Namath was QB. Unlike the Browns the Jets somehow manage to win a few games every year with a terrible QB. Also unlike the Browns they are never able to get a top draft pick. Last season the Jets were set up perfectly to tank and contend with the Browns for a top pick. Like usual the Jets messed around and won few enough games that they were never seriously in the playoff contention, but enough to take them out of the top 5 draft picks. The Jets even suck at losing!

Being a football fan sometimes is like watching an old movie on cable. You flip through the channels and catch 20 minutes, thinking you might have seen this one before. After watching long enough you realize, you have seen this movie before and finally remember how it ends. This could not be more true for Browns and Jets fans. Every season begins with hope, a new QB, coach, or player promising to lead their beloved team back to the playoffs. And season after season that hope quickly diminishes as their team goes back to being the laughing stock of the league. We all know how the movie ends and yet we don’t change the channel and watch something else.

Yet despite the habitual failures that are the Browns and Jets franchise, this season feels different. The Jets traded up in the draft and took QB Sam Darnold out of USC. Turnover prone QBs from USC have been bad for the Jets in the past but Darnold seems different. He lit up teams in the preseason and convinced the coaching staff to trade away Teddy Bridgewater to New Orleans. The Browns hype has been even more well documented thanks to HBO. With number one overall pick Baker Mayfield, and Tyrod Taylor, the Browns have not one but two decent QB options. The Browns have been bet more than any other team in Vegas during the preseason. Their odds to make the playoffs have gone from 10/1 to +350. Their over under win total has gone from 4.5 up to 6. Regardless of if either of these teams will have a good season people believe they will!

Here we are on the eve of yet another NFL season. Every teams fanbase has hope but these losers should be careful. It seems like both the Browns and the Jets are finally set up for success after years of habitual failure. Their optimism could turn into years of successful playoff runs with their franchise QBs… BUT if my years of watching football has taught me anything, its that there is a direct correlation between playing a violent sport like football and head injuries; and the Browns and Jets suck every year. Maybe 17 weeks from now we will see a league where the Browns and Jets are contending to make the playoffs. Or maybe they’ll both take a dump on the field like they’ve done for the last few decades. I certainly hope its the latter. Football, like people, love consistence. And there’s nothing more consistent than the Browns and Jets losing.

 Week 1 NFL Picks

All Lines used from Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest

Seahawks +3

Cardinals -120

Chiefs +3.5

Seahawks +3

The Denver Broncos have spent the last 2 years letting a super bowl winning defense waste away with Trevor Siemian and Paxton Lynch playing QB. After 2 years out of the playoffs the Broncos finally again have hope with free agent Case Keenum taking over at QB. The Broncos look primed to make a run to the playoffs again, and clearly Vegas respects the Broncos offseason moves making them a favorite at home. The Seahawks look poised to finally have a down year after missing the playoffs last year. Seattle has been dominate in the NFC the last 5 years and finally look to have an average year. The Seahawks roster may be average but they are still dominate at two positions, QB and Middle Linebacker, two of the most important positions in football. Russel Wilson and Bobby Wagner are arguable each in the top 5 of their respective positions. Wilson and Wagner should be able to put the Hawks on their backs this season for a few wins and I like their experience against new look Case Keenum.

Cardinals -120

The Arizona Cardinals come into the season with very low expectations, most numbers and previews have picked the Cardinals to finish last in the NFC West. However the Washington R-Words were also picked to finish last in their division. Two last place teams makes for a boring game but the game has a confusing line that is nearly even. Both teams do have positives to look forward too. The Cardinals have NFL sack leader Chandler Jones on defense, and return stud RB David Johnson on offense. Washington traded mediocre for mediocre this offseason with Kirk Cousins leaving for Minnesota and Alex Smith coming in from Kansas City. The R-Words have to travel across the country to Arizona on Sunday. The Cardinals may very well not win a lot of games this season but what better week to get a W than week 1 against a weak opponent.

Chiefs +3.5

All aboard the Patrick Mahomes hype train! The kid who can throw a football 90 yards is a 3.5 point underdog in his first game?! There are a lot of reasons to love the Chiefs in this spot, in the last 3 seasons Kansas city is 5-2 ATS as a road underdog of more than 3 points. Andy Reid is great ATS coming off a bye (and what bigger bye week is there than the offseason?). The game is technically a home game for the Chargers but their LA soccer stadium should be about 50% red. On top of all that the Chiefs offense is loaded. Kareem Hunt led the NFL in rushing yards last year, Tyreek Hill and Sammy Watkins are both solid WRs and Travis Kelce is a top 3 TE. Kansas City may be one of the most overlooked teams heading into the season, and they will take advantage of the opportunity to pick up a big division win in week 1.

Record to Date: 0-0 (just like every other team)

Thank you for reading. Happy Football season to you and yours. 

 

 

Brackets on brackets on brackets! Again that wonderful time of year where we can all pretend to be busy at work while we prepare to gamble on “student athletes” who haven’t been to class in a month. Hundreds of 19, 20 and 21 year olds will capture America’s attention for the next 3 weeks as they earn 0 dollars playing basketball. Any great event that American’s love to partake in will immediately draw a lot of attention from companies looking to turn an American pastime into money for themselves, and nothing is more American than that. March Madness is different however because the people who produce the event/product see none of the profit. Why is this?

Reason #1: Prestigious Universities are at the top

Colleges employ the most stuck-up-holier-than-thou-silver-spoon-eating-correct-grammer-using people on the planet. Anyone who’s ever worked at a college immediately thinks their job is 10x more important than anyone else’s in the world and think they’re 10x smarter than everyone else. Even janitors at college’s think they’re so smart they can solve any math equation on any chalk board. College professors act like the world would stop spinning on its axis if they quit doing their job for a week. These self righteous people in charge of colleges are also the ones who decide what to do with the millions of dollars earned by the tv rights to broadcast college basketball. Maybe give some of the money to the players who people are tuning in to watch? Na, how about keep funding the ever important job of teaching hungover 19 year olds in Tucson Arizona about basic chemistry. Surly they will one day use that information to cure cancer and not make meth.

Reason #2 Coaches make the rules (and all the money)

Every college basketball coach in America is a salesmen. They are selling their school, their program, and themselves. They are selling to the school, to their players, to alumni. What do they get in return? The chance to educate young men, and lead them to victory, well that and millions and millions of dollars. Most college coaches run a strict program. Trying to teach young men discipline by acting like drill sergeants.  The reality is they are millionaires, barking orders at kids, and then reaping the benefits of their success. Companies have the mentality “if the players in a basketball program can’t make money might as well give money to the coaches right?” And many of them have been getting rich for years. Not that they don’t provide great experiences for young men, but it’s a little ridiculous that coach K and coach Cal get over 9 million a year to coach next year’s NBA #1 overall pick every season.

Reason #3 Kids are stupid.

Let me tell you a quick story. When I was 20 years old, a friend bet me $20 that I couldn’t eat 10 hot dogs in under 5 minutes. Of course I took the bet, finished them in 4 minutes and then spent the rest of the day on the toilet. Why did I do that? Because I was young, and young people are stupid. The average age of a player during March Madness is the age most of us were whenever we made our life’s worst decisions. Most of us don’t realize those decisions were dumb until years after the fact. Most of these college players are no different. Many of them won’t realize how much exposure they get from playing on national tv until their careers are already over. And most of them won’t realize how much that national exposure is worth until its too late.

So basically this is a screwed up system where the people involved aren’t allowed to make money or else they get in trouble. What’s the solution? I have no idea I’m just an idiot who learned how to put his thoughts on the internet. So lets gamble on some unpaid college kids.

Make no mistake, filling out a bracket is gambling. Don’t lie to yourself and say your just having fun at work, embrace it! Picking who is going to win a game, whether its on a point spread or in a bracket is gambling all the same. The thing with brackets is everyone thinks they are an expert. This time of year it seems like everyone has an opinion on South Dakota State or Loyola Chicago even though none of us have watched any of those teams all year. That’s Ok, BartSauce and I are going to help us all out. We will be picking the winner of each region along with long shots who could bust brackets. If you want to see our picks against the spread throughout the tournament follow out twitter account @2xCOVERage

South Region (BartSauce)

Virginia was awarded the number one overall seed, which means two things. They get to play as close to home as possible throughout the whole tournament (until the Final Four), and they theoretically should get an easier road to the Final Four than any other team. I’m not so sure about the ladder. Virginia gets the number one overall seed and somehow they will still (most likely) have to beat either Kentucky or Arizona to even make it into the Elite Eight! Kentucky and Arizona are two of the hottest and most motivated teams in college basketball right now. Doesn’t sound like an easy road to me. The South Region is an extremely competitive region, especially in the top half, and it will be really exciting to watch it all work out.

I’m about to give you three things here:

1. My pick to win the region
2. My long shot to win the region
3. The potential matchup I am most excited about in this region

South Region Winner: Virginia Cavaliers (11/10)

 I’m not really going out on a limb here, but Virginia is the best team in this region, and more importantly, the most consistent team in this region. I’ve watched more ACC basketball than I’d like to admit this year and this is Tony Bennett’s best team he’s ever had at Virginia. Not only can they defend like there is no tomorrow, they have incredibly smart and talented guards that can make shots. I know, their sixth man De’Andre Hunter hurt his wrist and is out for the whole tournament. I refuse to let that change my thoughts on Virginia. Oregon lost one of their key players (Chris Boucher) right before the tournament last year and they still made the Final Four. Virginia isn’t a cute pick, but I’m not about being cute, I’m about getting stuff right. Virginia to win the South Region is the right pick.

South Region Long Shot: Nevada Wolfpack (60/1)

Here’s my theory when it comes to winning basketball games: If you can score, you can win. Nevada can do just that. They might not play very good defense, but they can put up 90 points with ease. The bottom of the South Region is full of very vulnerable teams that are prime for an upset. If this Nevada team gets on a roll, they can beat anybody in the country. If this Nevada team gets cold and stays cold, they will get crushed by Texas in the first round. Their chances of getting all the way to the Final Four are obviously very slim, but I would not be surprised at all if they make it to the Sweet Sixteen or even the Elite Eight.

Exciting Potential Matchup: (7) Nevada vs. (2) Cincinnati

Talk about two polar opposite styles of play. Nevada is all about scoring as much and as fast as they can. Cincinnati is all about defending the heck out their opponent and then working their offense for a minimum of 25 seconds in search of the best shot possible. I would love to see this game happen on Sunday, and I think there is a good chance that it does. Whoever controls the pace will win this game. I think you all know who I’ll be rooting for.

Midwest Region (BartSauce)

Kansas, Duke, and Michigan State all in the same region? Yikes. Sorry to every other team in the Midwest Region who thought this might be the year they finally break through and make a deep run. Sure, there will be upsets in the first two rounds in this region just like all the other regions, but I honestly do not see a circumstance where some team other than these three win Midwest Region.

Midwest Region Winner: Michigan State (2/1)

I was torn between Kansas, Duke, and Michigan State, but here’s the reason I like Michigan State the most: Tom Izzo and his squad have been going through a lot of off court issues since the beginning of January. I would be lying if I said Izzo and his players weren’t negatively impacted by those things. They kept winning games, but you could tell they just weren’t playing good Michigan State basketball from about early January until mid February. I’m not sure what exactly happened, but things started to click for them. They started playing basketball like it was their escape from all of the madness going on around the university. I think that’s exactly how Michigan State is treating this March Madness Tournament, an escape from the actual madness. Sure, Kansas and Duke are really good basketball teams, but Michigan State is just as good, and because of what they’ve gone through together, they are a more mature team than the other two. Jay Bilas has been saying all season long that Michigan State is the best team in the country, and he very well could be right.

Midwest Region Long Shot: New Mexico State (80/1)

New Mexico State very well could be the best team no one has really heard of this year. Let’s go over some stats. 79.5 points per game (109th in country), 63.8 points allowed per game (10th in country), and 41.5 rebounds per game (9th in country). So we have a team that scores nearly 80 points a game, defends very well, and holds their opponent to one shot a possession? I’m not a basketball expert or anything, but that sounds like a recipe for success! KenPom has them as the highest rated 12 seed in the field (actually ahead of a couple 11’s and one 10), and Clemson is the lowest rated 5 seed in the field. Not only do I think the Aggies will win their first game over Clemson, I think they have a really good shot at beating the winner of Charleston/Auburn to go to the Sweet Sixteen. Just like Nevada, they are literally a long shot to win their region, but I would not be surprised if this team made it to the Sweet Sixteen or even the Elite Eight (watch out, Kansas).

Exciting Potential Matchup: (3) Michigan State v. (2) Duke

Fact: Coach K owns Tom Izzo. As head coaches, they have faced off 12 times and Coach K has won 10 of them. Izzo hasn’t beat Duke since the NCAA Tournament in 2005! They actually played each other last November and Duke won 88-81. There is so much history with these two teams and these two coaches. Duke and Michigan State matching up in the Elite Eight this year would be a great thing for college basketball, and I have a strong feeling that it will happen. Coach Izzo is due for a win over Coach K, and he has the team to do it. Either way, this would be a super fun game to watch.

East Region (DaveCh999)

The east region has been the home of the number one overall seed the last few years but this year the 1 seed is last years 1 seed and 2016 champion Villanova. Other top seeds include Purdue, Texas Tech, Wichita State, West Virginia and Florida. The Regional final will take place in Boston where no one has cared about college basketball since the 1970s.

East Region Winner: Purdue (3/1)

Villanova is favored to win the region, but its all about the matchups. Nova faces potential matchups against Alabama (mostly Colin Sexton), West Virginia, or Wichita State. Purdue on the other side of the bracket should have a much easier path on their side of the region with Florida or Texas Tech, both of whom I believe were overseeded. If the region goes chalk and comes down to a Purdue Nova elite 8 match-up Purdue will have the advantage inside with big man Issac Haas, who was nearly unguardable in the Big 10. The country has fallen in love Jalen Brunson from Villanova, but Purdue’s Carsen Edwards could prove to be the best guard in this region when its all done. Purdue has the advantage in a head to head matchup with pretty much anyone in the region on top of having the easiest path to the Elite 8. Purdue at 3/1 odds is a great pick to make the final 4 out of the East.

East Region Long Shot: Alabama (25/1)

Alabama has gone from out of the tournament last week, to everyone’s hot sleeper pick this week after making it to the semi finals of the SEC tournament. This all happened thanks to one person, Collin Sexton. If you’ve never heard of him first off: what are you doing reading this? Second off: HI mom. Collin Sexton might be the most exciting player guard in the tournament because he can take over a game at any moment. Alabama could get beat in the first game (they are actually 2 point underdogs) but they could also go on a run through this region. Many underdog teams over the years have been led by great guard play in the tournament, and Collin Sexton is capable of putting Bama on his back and leading them to the final 4.

Exciting Potential Matchup:  (1) Villanova v. (5) West Virginia

As I mentioned above Nova’s path to the Elite 8 is not an easy one and the toughest matchup they could face is Press Virginia led by coach Bob “Huggy Bear” Huggins. West Virginia has had a great year and could have won the big 12 except for Kansas is their kryptonite. WV is led by the most experienced backcourt in college basketball with Jevon Carter and Daxter Miles jr. Last season the duo led WV to the sweet sixteen and gave eventual national runners up Gonzaga all they could handle, losing by 3. Press Virginia could do the same thing this year, potentially even knocking off 1 seed Nova. WV has the 3rd best odds to win the East region at 7/1 and they could definitely pull it off, but they will have to go through 1 seeded Nova.

West Region (DaveCh999)

The west region is about as wide open as it gets. The number one seed is Xavier who could have easily ended up as a 2 seed if Duke had won the ACC. Xavier is by far the most vulerable 1 seed in the tournament and part of the reason is who is in their region. The favorite to win the west is defending national champions North Carolina. After them is 3 seed and Big 10 champs Michigan. And the 4 seed is last years runners up Gonzaga. Any one of these 4 teams could make the final 4 and it wouldn’t be a surprise however..

West Region Winner: Gonzaga (3/1)

The Zags are not the team they were last season. A year ago they were loaded with talent and had a number 1 seed. After losing a number of players from last years team who made the national championship game, this years Gonzaga team has gone under the radar. But the Zags still have the most important member of the Gonzaga program, Mark Few. In the past the streotype about Gonzaga was they were a small school who had great records but always choked in the tournament. That stigma is gone after the Zags made the final 4 last year. Even though they lost a number of key players from last years, Gonzaga is still loaded with talent. Josh Perkins and Jonathan Williams have stepped up in the guard spots, and Killian Tillie has been a force in the paint. The main reason I like the Zags is they have the easiest path to the Elite 8 out of this region. They are looking at a second round matchup with Ohio State, who they beat by 25 points earlier this season. Then a Sweet 16 matchup with Xavier, who they beat 24 in the tournament last year. They would be facing either UNC or Michigan in the Elite 8 at a game in LA. Gonzaga is getting hot at the right time, destroying San Fransisco and BYU in the WCC tournament. The odds are very close in this region and if it comes down to it, I like Gonzaga in a rematch of last years championship over UNC.

West Region Long Shot: Houston (15/1)

The West region is very top heavy with the top 4 seeds. I would be shocked if any team besides the top 4 win this region, but that’s what March Madness is all about. If one team in this region has the fire power to make a run its Houston. In the American Conference Houston was seconds away from winning the conference tournament against Cincinnati. Houston has the talent to make a run, but their road is not easy. They would have to go through 3 out of the top 4 seeds, including Michigan and UNC. Houston could get hot a pull some upsets, but most likely the winner of this region is coming from the top 4 seeds.

Exciting Potential Matchup: (4) Gonzaga v. (2) North Carolina

This may be looking a little too far ahead but this matchup would be one of the most exciting of the tournament. These two teams could see each other in the elite 8 and according to the odds they are favored to do so. This would be a matchup of last years national championship game which rarely happens in the NCAA tournament, especially when both teams are from opposite sides of the country. Both teams last a number of key players from last years final 4 teams but still play a similar style of game. There are enough players on both sides from last years teams who won’t have forgotten each other and playing for a chance to go to the final 4 again would be very exciting.

Game by game picks will be on twitter @2xCOVERage

Thank you for reading. Best of luck in your brackets.

 

 

Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 19th straight week. Welcome to NFL Sunday.

"A boss is like a diaper, Always on your ass and usually full of $*&!" -Oprah Winfrey

The first round of the playoffs is over and wow you can feel the excitement. So wild card weekend is technically playoff football but when the Bills and Jags are basically playing first team to cross the 50 yard line wins, it just doesn’t feel right. Marcus Mariota threw a pass to himself, Cam Newton pretend to get poked in the eye to avoid the concussion tent, and Blake Bortles rushed for more yards than he threw for. It might not have felt like playoff football, but its better than watching the Browns.

Last season during wild card weekend, every game was a blow out and the home team won. It was clear who the better team was and the divisional round shaped up to be very competitive. This season during wild card weekend, all 4 underdogs covered. Which goes to show no one actually knows who’s going to win these games. The most surprising game of the weekend was the Titans as 9 point underdogs, going into Kansas City and upsetting the Chiefs. Most people believed the Titans were the worst team to make the playoffs, but all those people underestimated Andy Reid’s ability to drastically blow leads. The Chiefs were up 21-3 at halftime and somehow lost the game 22-21. That takes a special kind of collapse. I believe Andy Reid is one of the best coaches in the NFL, maybe top 3. I also believe any coach who loses a home playoff game by 1 after being up by 18 at halftime is never going to lead a team to the Super Bowl. The Chiefs would be crazy and stupid to fire a coach as good as Andy Reid, and yet the Chiefs would be crazy and stupid to keep a coach that keeps losing close home playoff games.

The best game of the weekend was the Saints vs Panthers, division rivals who have played each other twice already this season and twice the Saints won. Last Sunday was more of the same as the Saints put up 31 points on their way to the win. But this time around the Panthers were able to cover the spread of +7 which is just as good as a win in my book. However the NFL does not let underdogs who cover the spread but don’t win to move onto the next round. So now the Panthers season is over. Most teams heading to the offseason means vacations and relaxing until the draft, except the Panthers are not going to have the typical offseason. The Panthers owner and founder Jerry Richardson is putting the team up for sale after being accused of being a creepy old man. First off this sets a bad precedent for NFL owners. If all that needs to happen to be fired as an NFL owner is to be accused of being a creepy old man, every owner in the NFL should be worried.

An NFL owner is basically buying 1/32 of one of the biggest organizations in the world, and with this comes a lot of responsibility. The NFL loves its family friendly image, a league with zero issues. When it comes to breaking the law? The NFL will not tolerate any behavior that tarnishes that image. It would be unheard of for an NFL owner to have issues with drug use or get a DUI (unless you’re Jim Irsay.) An NFL owner has to get along with the other 31 owners. NFL owners have strength in numbers. A rich old white person in America, but 32 rich old white men in America united together are near unstoppable. So as an owner it would be detrimental to go against the wishes of the other 31 NFL owners. The worst move an owner could make is to publicly speak out against the other owners or the commissioner (unless you’re Jerry Jones.) With one of these coveted possessions up for grabs the NFL needs someone with a squeaky clean image, someone who won’t speak badly about the leagues issues with concussions or Papa Johns. The NFL needs Oprah, and she needs them.

Last Sunday after football ended there was some movie award show on tv. The type where famous people get dressed up and go to a huge fancy theater to spend 4 hours high fiving, and patting each other on the back for how great they all are. Hollywood movie award shows are a lot like NFL owner meetings. Groups of rich old white men getting together to discuses how much money they have. In Hollywood however they spend more time talking about how much they love diversity and recognizing women, yet the majority of people that attend, are nominated for awards, or host the show; are rich white men. Its almost like there’s a rule that says in order to receive an award in Hollywood you need to get on stage and say something nice about someone who isn’t a rich white man. (in the NFL all you need to do to get an award is say something nice about Papa John).

For whatever reason the person every rich white guy decided to say something nice about to get their award that night was Oprah. Now why was Oprah at an award show for people who make movies? I have no idea. Maybe Oprah was on tv years ago and that’s a good enough excuse to give her an award? I’m assuming when they invited Oprah they told her she would just sit and get complements for 4 hours then walk away with a shiny trophy and if every person that went on stage acknowledged her, then at the end of the night no one would question what the award was about. And that is exactly what happened.

Every person at the award show made some terrible version of the same joke “Oprah you’re such a great person, YOU should run for President.” And everytime the joke was made the whole crowd would cheer, over and over again. Let’s think about this for a second. The American people elected a person President who was rich and on tv but had no actual leadership qualities or political experience. It didn’t take long to realize that was a terrible idea and we all regretted it. Instead of learning from our mistake and electing someone who is qualified to run the country and the government what do you want to do? Elect another person who is rich and on tv but has no actual leadership qualities or political experience. Einstein described insanity as doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result, and according to Einstein the American people are acting as crazy as it gets.

Why would Oprah want to run for President in the first place? She is a retired billionaire, she can literally sit on her butt all day, have anything she could possibly want brought to her and continue to make millions just based on the fact her name is Oprah. She could walk into any city in America, buy the biggest house in the city, pay the Mayor to give her the key to the city, pay all the citizens to rename the city Oprahville, and demand every day at noon every citizen gathers around her house and sing a song about how great she is. Would someone who has that kind of money ever want to leave retirement to attempt to get the most stressful job known to man. Obama entered the presidency in 2008 looking like the coolest man on the planet. He left 8 years later looking like he aged 25 years. The problem for Oprah is the American people want her to run, and she desperately needs an excuse for why she can’t. Enter the Carolina Panthers.

If Oprah truly wants to make America a better place, but doesn’t want any of the grinding pressure that goes along with being the President, she will write the check and buy her way into the NFL. Oprah checks all the boxes of an NFL owner. Rich, clean record, and more importantly a face that America loves. The last few years the NFL and football in general has come under attack for a number of different reasons. With the power Oprah brings to the table the NFL can have an easy distraction from concussions, domestic violence, and Papa John hating anthem protests. Not to mention everyone forgetting that Oprah would be replacing a creepy old man who is leaving the NFL for being a creepy old man. If all Oprah needs to make it in the NFL is a creepy factor she can tell Cam Newton how good he looks in his (insert whatever stupid outfit Cam Newton is wearing this week). And Cam can tell her she doesn’t know anything about routes.

Divisional Round NFL Picks:

All Lines used from the Las Vegas Westgate Superbook.

Falcons -2.5

Patriots -13.5

Jaguars +7

Saints +5

Falcons -2.5

I spent my Christmas night making my family watch a terrible Raiders Eagles game because I was sweating out the last legs of a few teasers and parleys. Nick Foles tried his hardest in that game to ruin my Christmas which in turn would have ruined my entire families Christmas because I would have canceled Christmas if the Eagles lost that game. After that game I said I am betting against the Eagles no matter what in their first divisional round game. I assumed they would be playing the Panthers or the Saints. Now here we are and my beloved Falcons are at the Eagles this Saturday. Apparently the bookmakers almost had their Christmas ruined by the Eagles too because they made the Falcons a favorite in this game. As a fan I am worried because the Eagles truly do have a great defense and offensive line. They are the number one seed in the NFC for a reason. At the end of the day however the Eagles are starting Nick Foles, and that’s a good thing for Falcons fans.

Patriots -13.5

Death Taxes and the Patriots cover double digit spreads. I could stop here but I won’t. The Patriots offense has been a well oiled machine this season and I fully expect them to drop at least 30+ against Tennessee who somehow are still alive and in the playoffs. This game will probably be a very boring game where the Patriots ho-hum take the play down the field drive after drive pilling up points and at the end of the day Belicheat says “were on to Pittsburgh” and the Titans are just happy their team got to share the field with the Patriots for an evening.

Jaguars +7

Remember in the Movie Titanic when the old captain locks the doors to the control room and waits for the water to crash through the windows dragging him to his death? Well I am that old captain and Blake Bortles is the Titanic. I’ve been ride or die with the Jags since week 5 when they went into Pittsburgh and beat the Steelers and I’ve not about to be a coward and abandon ship now. Like a good captain I will go down with Blake and my ship. The only hope I have is AB is actually injured and is just playing to be a decoy, which is possible. And the Jaguars defense can play at the top of their game which they have showed is good enough to beat anyone in the league. Blake Vick needs a few first down scrabbles and take care of the ball in the passing game and the Jags could shock the world again and take down the Steelers. If not at least I did the honorable thing.

Saints +5

The best game of the weekend is going down in Minnesota Sunday afternoon, site of Super Bowl 52. The Vikings have had a great year. Their defense might be the best in the league and despite a number of injuries on offense they have stayed in the top 10 in points and yards. If Philly crashes against the Falcons Saturday the path for Minnesota to the Super Bowl could all at home in their dome including the big game. The problem? The Vikings always find a way to screw things up in the playoffs. I’m not falling for the trap like I did with the Chiefs last week. Yes the Vikings are the better team but they are the Chiefs of the NFC. They will find a way to screw this game up. The biggest reason I like this game is the spread is all the way up to +5. It should be closer to a 3 point spread as these teams are very even. I’ll take the extra points and hope the ghost of Blair Walsh and Gary Anderson can miss a few kicks to cover for the Saints.