Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 13th straight week, Welcome to NFL Sunday.
This Sunday we have a critical matchup featuring 2 dumpster fire franchises, both starting backup QBs. The 1-10 49ers vs. the 2-9 Chicago Bears. Why is this garbage matchup so important? 5 months from now one of these teams will get to draft ahead of the other if they lose this game. The Westgate Superbook in Las Vegas has this game as a Pick ’em and even Vegas knows neither team wants to win this game.
What do Muhammad Ali, Jesse Owens, and Jackie Robinson all have in common? None of them were ever a backup Quarterback. This season it seems everyone from President Obama to my Grandmother at Thanksgiving dinner has had an opinion on Colin Kaepernick and I’ve seen something in common, none of their opinions mention his team has won 1 game all year and he didn’t even start in that game because he was a backup. Regardless of how you feel politically we can all agree that men like Ali, Owens, and Robinson had people listening to what they said politically off the field because of how good they were on the field. If Kaepernick wants people to take his political views seriously start with winning a game, then he should make headlines for something other than being benched or what kind of socks he’s wearing. Another part of Kaepernick’s problem is he is being coached by future college football coach Chip Kelly. I don’t really have a good reason for disliking Chip Kelly, I could say he’s racist, he’s bad at his job, he’s never really won, but my real reason for disliking him is he looks like a guy who couldn’t tell you the last time he saw a treadmill but probably has half the cheesecake factory menu memorized.
The other side of the field we have the Bears who have turned into a classic light bulb franchise, as in ‘how many Bears fans does it take to change a light blub, none they just sit around and talk about how good the light bulb was in 1985.’ Part of the reason for this development is investing 126 million dollars into a Quarterback who’s resting facial expression is that of a man waiting in line at the DMV. 
The collection of awfulness that will be on display in Chicago Sunday has led to one conclusion: I am taking a knee in protest of the Bears-Niners Game. For the first 10 minutes of my NFL Sunday, a time I usually spend meditating to get in a zen state of mind before gametime, I will be taking a knee to protest that fact that the fascist dictator known as Roger Goodell will allow this game to be played. I wouldn’t suggest that my worst enemy even spend a minute of their time watching soccer but for this Sunday if you choose to watch a barnburning 1-1 soccer draw over this game I understand, I’m not saying you should but I understand.
NFL WEEK 13 PICKS
All lines are from the Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest
Ravens -3.5 over Dolphins
Lions +6 over Saints
Bucs +3.5 over Chargers
Ravens -3.5 over the Dolphins
No one knows it yet but the Ravens are the best team in the AFC North. The Ravens are 4-2 ATS at home this season and are 3-0 ATS in their last 3 as a home favorite. One reason to love about the Ravens as less than a TD favorite is they have Justin Tucker who is the best kicker in the league and the closest example we have for a kicker having swag. The Dolphins on the other hand have won 6 games in row and why would anyone gamble against a team this hot. Just like the Cowboys on Thursday, the Dolphins are about to come back down to earth, no team in the NFL stays hot forever, especially when their QB is Ryan Tannehill and they are going against a good defense on the road. I like the Ravens big in this one.
Lions +6 over Saints
Tough pick to make cause 1. I am totally biased against the Saints and hate them more than anything and 2. The Saints have played really well at home, but having said that I LOVE the Lions getting +6 this week. Detroit played on Thanksgiving and get the extra 3 days rest but more importantly every Lions game this season has been decided by 7 points or less. The Lions may not win but they will keep it close.
Bucs +3.5 over Chargers
Tampa Bay has been on fire the last 3 weeks with impressive wins over future playoff chokers Kansas City and Seattle. Their defense has been solid allowing only 10 PPG during their win streak and Jameis Winston looks like he’s come a long was from stealing seafood and standing on tables yelling obscenities in college. The real star in Tampa however is Mike Evans, this dude is a beast and it just shows how stupid everyone is that he was over shadowed by Johnny Manziel in college and now Jameis in the NFL. Evans is the best receiver in the NFC not named Julio or Odell and he deserves more credit for Tampa’s success. Bucs should be able to win out right in the Whale’s Vagina but if not they will at least cover.
Teaser of the week:
Jags are not a good team at all but they have a decent record of 5-6 ATS this season and Blake Bortles is the master of the Garbage time TD. I like them to stay close to the Broncos at home since Denver is starting a Rookie QB. Member when the Panthers were gonna dominate the NFC for the next 5 years? Oh I Member! Carolina sucks again and Seattle doesn’t lose at home. For as good as the Raiders have been this year they have not beat a anyone at home by more than 10 points. I like Rex and the Bills to keep it within single digits at the black hole.
Shootout of the week:
Ben vs Eli, AB vs Odell, Bell vs whoever the hell the giants RB is. Nothing about this game makes you think either team is gonna stop the other. Sunday afternoon game of the week is gonna be a fun one with lots of points, 31-24 somebody. either way its going over.
Double COVERage 
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