Ever been in a long distance relationship? Spent a long period of time away from someone you love? Talking to them on the phone but going to bed at night and waking up in the morning with an empty aching feeling because you can’t see them. That’s exactly how I feel every June after the NBA finals all the way until September when football starts. Welcome to the Double COVERage NFL preview.

Let’s go ahead and start by addressing the 25 point lead hundred pound elephant in the room. The Super Bowl was one of the worst days of my life even though I twice predicted the Falcons to blow it. I’m well aware of the fact the Super Bowl is the most watched television program every year, but I did not realize how many people knew I was a Falcons fan until after Super Bowl 51. One of the worst parts of living in this post 28-3 blown lead world I am living in is having casual acquaintances (and casual football fans) asking me “what did you think of the Super Bowl?” Now think about that question for a second. what did I think of the Super Bowl. Am I allowed to ask someone, ‘what did you think of your divorce?‘; ‘what did you think of your recent dogs death?‘; or maybe ‘what did you think of your house being robbed?’ When asked about how I felt after the Super Bowl I usually just respond with ‘well I only wrote 2 drafts of a suicide note before I decided it was a bad idea.’ And yes the awkward silence that follows is almost as awkward as Matt Ryan’s gatorade commercial

But…. seriously how do I feel about the Super Bowl. I have still NOT rewatched the game and I don’t know if I ever will be able to. I now live life in a constant fear of the number 28 or 3 or any combination of numbers that can be added, subtracted, multiplied, divided, twisted, melted down, or constricted in any way to equal the number 25. The Falcons have a stacked roster this season but who knows. Maybe they go 8-8, and miss the playoffs due to a string of bad losses because of some 28-3 shell shock. All I know for certain is there is now a good chance 30 years from now I’m going to be laying on some therapists couch saying; “if they just kneel 3 times after the Julio catch and kick a field goal none of this would have happened.”

Other things have happened since the Super Bowl besides me learning to live with depression. The most incredible NFL news this offseason is that former Bills Running back/murder suspect OJ Simpson was granted parole and will be out of prison in October. Which is amazing timing considering we are in an OJ Simpson pop culture renaissance. Thanks to 30 for 30, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Dave Chappelle, now people who were not old enough to remember the infamous OJ murder trial have a real understanding of who this guy was pre incarceration. Some of my favorite takes this summer have been ‘what is OJ Simpson going to do when he gets out of prison?’ The guy is 70 years old, he’s gonna go down to Florida and sleep like every other retired 70 year old. It is an interesting question though, if 70 year old OJ Simpson were to get out of prison and back into the public eye what would he do? Even though they will probably never happen I made a short list of my dream future OJ Simpson return to fame scenarios.

1. Manager for the younger Kardashian girls.

   Now I live my life actively trying to not learn the names of the youngest Kardashian girls. Every time I see their name in a news story I quickly shut my eyes like I’m Indiana Jones in the last scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark. But I know this much, Their are 2 younger Kardashian relatives who’s father is formerly known as Bruce,  and they have 1 billion instagram followers each. Now just imagine if a former close family friend stepped in to guide the young girls through the trappings of handling fame in Hollywood. Better yet picture OJ Simpson and Caitlyn Jenner in a reality show, it’d be so great you couldn’t look away.

2. President Trump names OJ Simpson White House communications director

   I don’t actively follow politics that closely but I do have an internet connection so I see these crazy people that Donald Trump appoints to power positions who’s main job it is to not say anything stupid in front of cameras. And inevitably they almost always say something stupid in a room full of cameras. Now imagine if that person saying something stupid wasn’t some random white dude who’s name you’ll forget by next week and instead that man was OJ Simpson. OJ’s smooth talking skills could really be put to the test trying to spin every stupid thing President Trump says every other day.

3. OJ Simpson replaces Chris Berman as ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown host.

   The legendary Chris Berman retired last year from one of the most coveted jobs in all of sports media leaving many to question who will replace him as a staple on Sunday mornings? Sam Ponder? her name might as well be ‘hot girl sideline reporter A’ OJ on the other hand? there is a guy who can fill Berman’s shoes. Just imagine OJ Simpson on ESPN reading highlights “Aaron Rodgers absolutly murdering the Bears defense” or “Ezekiel Elliot stabs through the line for a touchdown.” the possibilities are endless.

4. OJ Simpson should fight Floyd Mayweather

   This Saturday over 4 million people around the world payed $100 to watch a 40 year old man fight a UFC cartoon character, which teaches us all a few valuable lessons. First, if people are willing to pay to watch someone who’s never boxed before but has a household name fight Floyd Mayweather, why isn’t that person OJ Simpson? Second, apparently people will still pay for a fight even if they already know Floyd Mayweather is going to win so why not have him fight someone who’s name will draw an even bigger crowd like OJ Simpson. Third, we learned people will take a person seriously, and support them,  if they just yell horrible outlandish things very loudly about their opponent and are very active on social media. Whoops nevermind we already learned that in November when President Trump was elected. Still apparently our government boxing is just a complete circus now and experience means nothing so why play it safe Floyd? Why not go after the opponent who will draw the largest PPV buy ever, Orenthal James Simpson.

 

How can you really tell football season is here?

Last Sunday I decided I needed to go to church. Mostly because I’ve built up a lot of guilt knowing I will be spending the next 20 sundays gambling and skipping church, (plus what else is there to do on a sunday morning without football). I’m ready to spend my morning attempting to become a better person and not think about football when a couple sits down a few rows in front of me wearing this. First of all; what has America come to that an Earl Thomas jersey with socks and sandals is acceptable church attire? I understand church is supposed to be a welcoming place to all but I was praying the pastor would stop his sermon and ask this idiot to leave and only come back when he figures out how to dress like an adult.

Second; what was the conversation like between these 2 people before deciding to wear the seahawks jerseys to church? “hey honey should we wear something nice to church like a tie and a dress?” “oh absolutely not! we should wear our matching seahawk jerseys on a day when the seahawks aren’t even playing.”

And finally; of course Seattle fans would show up to church wearing jerseys. Only obnoxious fan bases would wear matching jerseys to church. You’re never going to walk into church and find a pair of matching Chargers jerseys. Here is a quick power ranking of fan bases who are obnoxious enough to wear matching jerseys to church: 1. Seattle 2. Green Bay 3. New England 4. Pittsburgh 5. Dallas

 

Each summer Vegas puts out an Over/Under win total for every team in the NFL. this means Vegas predicts how many games a team will win and you can bet whether you think that team will win more or less games than the Vegas number. For example the Falcons number is 9.5, if you think they will win 10 or more games, (spoiler alert they will win way more than 10 games) then you can bet the over. Now that week 1 is fast approaching the Double COVERage team has come up with a few of Over/Under season total bets we like.

 NFL season win totals

New York Giants over 8.5 -140

One of my favorite things to look for when betting is a team that is favored to win their division but doesn’t have the highest vegas over/under number. The Cowboys have an over/under of 9.5, but somehow the Giants are a full game lower, with an easier schedule and a better defense, and a better offense, and a less anyoing fan base, (which doesn’t really factor into the over under but its important to remember that Cowboys fans are the worst.) The Giants have really put money into their defense in free agency with studs at every level including Landon Collins, Olivier Vernon, and 4th of July enthusiast Jason Pierre Paul. I believe the Giants defense will lead them to the NFC East division title and 10 or 11 wins.

New York Jets under 4.5 -150

Question: do you know who the starting QB for the Jets is this season? Neither do I! I spend more time following the NFL than almost anyone and I have no idea who they are going to start at QB this year. Mostly because I don’t think the Jets know who they are starting this year at QB. This offseason the Jets lost both Brandon Marshall and Eric Decker, meaning their best receiver will be Quincy Enunwa, who tore his ACL in the preseason. The Jets are a mess but they seem to be even more of a mess this season than normal. I guess their defense might have some good players but this is too easy to bet against a team who isn’t even trying to win. The Jets win 3 games, best case scenario.

Los Angeles Chargers under 7.5 +130

The Chargers under is the official Double COVERage bet for the 2017 NFL season. Lets start with the name, doesn’t it just feel wrong that the Chargers are now the third most popular team in the city they play in. Teams that move cities and hire a new head coach in the same year does not exactly scream franchise stability. Last season the Chargers went 5-11 but seem to have the worst luck losing close games and players with season ending injuries. Even with the move the Chargers do show some promise with a number of weapons on offense such as Melvin Gordon, Keenan Allen, and Hunter Henry. They also have a number of solid young players on defense including Joey Bosa, Melvin Ingram, and Casey Hayward. It is not hard to see why many people think the Chargers will go over 7.5 wins and make a run at the playoffs. However those people are ignoring the fact that the Chargers have a BRUTAL schedule. In fact based on records from last season the Chargers play the third hardest schedule in the NFL. The AFC West will be the toughest division in the NFL this season with the Chiefs, Raiders, and Broncos. Playing those 3 teams a total of 6 times is not the only obstacle the Chargers will have to overcome. Because of the Chargers move to LA they will have to endure this season playing in a 25,000 seat soccer stadium. I’m sold already on betting agaisnt a team playing in a soccer stadium where half the fans will be rooting for the other team, I don’t care how much Joey Bosa can bench, The Chargers will be 7-9 or less.

 

Hope you are as excited for football season as we are. Look out this week for BartSauce first week of college football season picks and the week after I’ll be back with week 1 of the NFL picks. Have a great Sunday and remember don’t let your life get in the way of your football.