Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 6th straight week. Welcome to NFL Sunday.
Note from the Author: All sentences that deal with soccer end with a question mark. This is on purpose due to the fact soccer is very stupid and confusing.
During the Fall there are always two nights out of the week that are much worse than others, Tuesday and Wednesday. Those are the only two nights during the fall where there is absolutely no football on. Unless you want to watch South East Louisiana Tech State vs Middle Arkansas Pine Bluffs U (which of course I’ll watch cause its football but I’m not happy about it.) then we all have to wait two days between Monday and Thursday night football. This Tuesday was different however because we had a critical soccer matchup for the USA men’s soccer team against Trinidad and Tobago? The USA lost this match 2-1 and were officially eliminated from playoff contention World Cup qualifying? This whole thing confuses me and too be honest I did not watch a second of this game and had no idea it even happened until I saw the outrage on the internet after the game. Like most people on the internet I instantly formed by opinion without researching any of the facts or information. And in common internet fashion I agree with all of these outraged people who don’t have any of the facts or information.
The USA Men’s soccer team has a problem? We live in the biggest, richest, most powerful country in the world and someone we lose to Trinidad and Tobago in soccer? How can we not put a soccer team together that is even good enough to qualify for the World Cup? All of the best athletes in our country play basketball or football. No wonder we can’t beat any other country in soccer, we aren’t even playing with our JV athletes, we’re playing with the guys who got cut in middle school. The USA mens soccer team not being able to make the world cup is a flat out embarrassment and something needs to change. Luckily for our country I am here with the solution. But first did you see the Vice President attended an NFL game this weekend?! Well kind of.
Last Sunday the 49ers were in Indianapolis playing the Colts. It was one of the most boring matchups of the year featuring Brian Hoyer and the 0-4 Niners vs Jacoby Brissett and the 1-3 Colts. Like an idiot I picked the Niners to win in Indy, which meant I spent 3 hours on a beautiful Sunday morning watch this poopfest of a matchup. Do you know who was smart enough to not watch this incredibly bad matchup? The Veep himself Mike Pence. Our Vice President is the former governor of Indiana and flew back last weekend to honor Colts legend Peyton Manning who has having his number put in the
Ring of Honor. However after the National Anthem Mike Pence and his posse left the house that Peyton built. Shortly after leaving Pence tweeted out the reason he left the game was because of players kneeling for the National Anthem. Apparently the Vice President hasn’t watched many 49er games this season or last because they were the team who started the anthem protests in August of 2016 and have had at least 1 player kneel for every game since then. Obviously this was a set up by the White House to have the VP walk out after the anthem knowing full well the Niners would have players kneel.
Since this stunt by the White House Sunday the political world and NFL world continue to interact. The President since then has tweeted multiple times about the NFL and how players kneeling is hurting the game and disrespecting the flag. After the crazy old man in the White House tweeted about the anthem Sunday, another crazy old man in Texas spoke out saying any that if any players disrespect the flag they won’t play. Now I’m sure there are over a million crazy old men in Texas that feel this way, but one of their opinions matters a little more than the rest. Because the man who said players won’t play if they kneel for the anthem was Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.
BREAKING NEWS: A 74 year old white man from Arkansas has the opinion that NFL players should stand for the anthem. If you did not know this information before Sunday I’d also like to congratulate you on being born yesterday and/or living under a rock. Jerry Jones disliking anthem protests is not surprising, even after he ‘attempted’ to show unity by kneeling with his players before the anthem a few weeks ago. The problem with Jerry Jones is not his opinion, its the blatant hypocrisy. Jerry Jones are financially supported more wife beaters and drug addicts than a mob boss. I can’t even begin to count the number of Dallas players who have either been arrested, accused of a crime, or failed a drug test and have continued to play for the Cowboys. The most blatant example was exactly two years ago when the Cowboys signed Greg Hardy. I don’t feel like its an extreme opinion to say Greg Hardy deserves to be locked away and throw away the key. He beat a women nearly to death and threw her on a bed full of guns. Instead of going to prision he went to Dallas and became a member of the Cowboys. Not only was he on the team for a season Jerry Jones even called him a “leader”. JERRY JONES YOU CAN PISS ON MY FACE BUT DONT TELL ME ITS RAINING. Do Drugs, beat up a woman, or get a DUI; just don’t you dare use your first amendment right to peacefully protest on Jerry Jones’s watch.
With everything that’s happened this week regarding the National Anthem the NFL is now considering a rule to require players to stand for the National Anthem. This seems like an extreme solution to what the NFL views as its biggest problem. I can think of a much easier and more efficient solution. Thankfully for the NFL I’m here to do all the heavy lifting for them
At the beginning of this post I said I knew how to fix the USA mens soccer team, now I’m claiming I can fix the NFL’s “problem” with players kneeling for the National anthem. I am fully prepared to solve both these problems by killing two birds with one stone.
From here on out any NFL player who uses his first amendment right to protest will have to suit up one game for the US men’s soccer team.
All of the best athletes in the United States play football. These guys are freak athletes with a dangerous combination of size, strength, and speed. Imagine some midget European soccer player trying to stop Dontari Poe from running downfield. Picture some little Brazilian guy trying to keep LeSean McCoy in front of him. The possibilities are endless! If NFL players wanted to continue to use their right to take a knee, they would also be volunteering their service to compete for the US men’s soccer team. Players are happy because they get to continue kneeling. Owners are happy because now players who kneel seem even more patriotic since they will later be competing for their country in soccer. I believe a US mens soccer team captained by Colin Kaepernick (who is 6’5 230lbs, and runs a 4.5 40.) would roll through the pathetic world of soccer teams on their way to a world cup championship. Come at me soccer fans!! You couldn’t possibly argue that little 5’7 Lion Messy is even in the same universe of athlete as Colin Kaepernick. (How is a guy who’s 5’7 and 150lbs considered the best player in any sport? In America we would call him a water boy.) Lets do this America, send our best to show the world what we’re made of. NFL owners need to Nut up or shut up now and volunteer their players for service in the US men’s soccer team. The world won’t know what hit ’em.
NFL Week 6 Picks
All lines used from the Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest
Packers -2.5 -135
Rams +3 -135
Falcons Broncos Redskins Patriots moneyline parley -116
Packers -2.5 -135
The brother of a former Bachelorette contestant has the Packers looking like one of the best teams in the NFC after leading a last minute drive to beat the Cowboys in Dallas 35-31. The Vikings on the other hand are without a true starting QB and are coming off a game where they barley were able to beat the 1-4 Bears who were starting a rookie QB. The Vikings defense have been great especially at home but this brother of a former Bachelorette contestant hasn’t been slowed down all year. On offense the Vikings have struggled to move the ball without Dalvin Cook who is out for the season. The Vikings will struggle until they will be able to get a real QB and the Packers will take advantage. Like the Packers game last week I think this game will be close which is why I’m buying the line down to -2.5
Rams +3 -135
The Rams have been hot all season especially after coming off a statement loss at home against the Seahawks. The Jags on the other side definitely used some form of dark witchcraft or black magic to put Big Ben into a trance where he through 5 INTs and the Jags beat the Steelers 30-9. Now the Jags do have a good defense but the Rams are the better team here. The strength of Jacksonville defense is stopping the pass, but the Rams have been able to consistently move the ball on the ground with Todd Gurley. The Jags offense has been heavily relied on rookie Leonard Fournette to run the ball, if the Rams can hold Fournette to short gains the Jags will not be able to throw on anyone the Rams.
Falcons Broncos Redskins Patriots moneyline parley -116
This isn’t the first time I’ve been overly confident in such a stupid bet and it won’t be the last. All of these teams are at least -9.5 point favorites and all of them are at home except the Patriots who play the Jets. The only worry about the Patriots is Bill Belicheat is hiding some information regarding Tom Brady’s shoulder. Even if Brady is injured I would feel confident with more handsome Jimmy G playing QB to beat the Jets. Another good sign for the Patiots is they played last Thursday night meaning they got a ‘mini bye week’ a full 10 days off before this game. The Broncos, Redskins, and Falcons are all playing at home, coming off an actual bye week and have had a chance to get healthy. Each of those 3 teams is also playing at home which is a huge advantage to stay at home and have no travel for 2 weeks. And finally all 3 of these teams are double digit favorites for a reason, they are playing terrible teams. So how does this bet get screwed up? I don’t know yet but it sure will be exciting to find out how.
Record to Date: 7-9 ATS
Thank you to everyone for reading. Be sure to check out Bart’s Best Bets for college picks and come back next week for more NFL. Happy week 6 everyone and remember don’t let your life get in the way of your football.
Double COVERage 