Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 8th straight week. Welcome to NFL Sunday.
"Football is not Hamlet, it's not tragedy, it should be fun" - Johnny Manziel's AA sponsor
We have had 7 glorious weeks of NFL football and there are 0 teams left undefeated. In fact there’s only 1 team left with only 1 loss, the accident waiting to happen Eagles. However there are 2 teams left in the league who have yet to win a game, the 49ers and the Cleveland Browns. It is surprising the Niners have remained winless even with Brian Hoyer as their QB. San Fran has some talent on defense and have been competitive in almost every game losing 4 games by 3 points or less. The Browns on the other hand have started the 2017 season as only the Browns could. The Browns have lost every game this season and even in games they could win they have found ways to let games slip away. Last Sunday the Browns were tied with the Titans in Cleveland in Overtime. At the least the Browns were going to end the game with a tie, yet somehow the Titans were able to kick a game winning FG with less than 2 minutes left in OT. Last Sunday was just another footnote in the long suffering history of the Browns. Officially the Browns stadium is named FirstEnergy Stadium, but unofficially its called the Factory of Sadness.
There is a little homework required in order to read the rest of this. First, stop reading right now and watch this video. Now watch it a second time. Once you have properly familiarized yourself with this video continue reading. The man in the video is Mike Poke and he embodies everything that it means to be a Browns fan. A loyal season ticket holder who popularized the phrase ‘Factory of Sadness.’ Every time I am feeling bad about my own football fandom, and questioning why I even root for the stupid Atlanta Falcons, I think of Mike. And I remind myself that life could be so much worse, I could be that guy. All Mike wants is what every other Cleveland fan wants, to have a team that plays a game that resembles professional football.
The last time the Browns had a team that resembled a professional football team was in the 1990’s. Since 1999 the Browns have had a league high 24 different starting QBs. In the past 5 years they have the opportunity to draft in the first round and passed on Teddy Bridgewater, Jared Goff, Carson Wentz, and Deshaun Watson. In that time period the Browns have drafted only one QB in the first round, Johnny Manziel.
It is fitting that the only first round pick the Browns used on a QB has more stints in rehab than wins in the NFL.
Its no secret you need a QB to win in the NFL and the Browns just haven’t had one that is capable of winning games consistently. Last season they payed the corpse of RG3 to be the savior of Cleveland football and he managed to make it through a whole game and a half before getting hurt. The Browns QB situation is so bad they are paying Brock Osweiler millions of dollars to not play QB for them this year. At this point if any Browns QB is able to lead them to 4 or 5 wins in a season he will get a statue outside of the Sadness Factory.
The other thing that makes the Browns unique besides being so great at losing is the fact their fans still support them despite having been the laughing stock of professional sports for the last 18 years. Mike Poke ends his brilliant Factory of Sadness rant by saying “I’ll see you Sunday.” like so many people in Cleveland Mike is going to support the Browns no matter what. So far in 2017 Cleveland ranks 8th in the NFL in home attendance. The people of Cleveland are in an abusive relationship with their football team. Basically the Browns are Ray Rice and their fans keep coming back for more every week. This is the part where you might start to feel sorry for the Browns. Please don’t, Browns fans had the greatest basketball player in the last 18 years born in their backyard then he was drafted by their team, so they’ve gotten to enjoy being on top of the basketball world for the last 15 years. (this is also a good time to remind you the Cleveland Cavs mistreated their basketball gift Lebron James so much that he was forced to leave. And then came back. Also they would have never won a title if the NBA didn’t intentionally suspend Draymond Green for Game 5 of the Finals so the Cavs would win. The NBA gave Cleveland a title and people don’t forget.)
The other key ingredient the Browns have been missing for so long is a head coach. Hue Jackson was hired less than 18 months ago and he is a grand total of 1 win in that time period. The last time the Browns had a decent coach? 1996 when they had future hall of famer and some would say the greatest coach of all time, Bill Belichick. After the Browns let him go Belichick went to New England to coach the Patriots and 5 Super Bowls and a lot of cheating later they are still the greatest team in the NFL. After Bill the Browns have had 9 different head coaches, none of whom had a record above .500. The coaches the Browns have had since Belichick are a combined 88-207. So why did the Browns not hold on to the greatest coach of all time when they had him? Maybe its because the Browns have morals and refused to employ a coach that cheats as much as Belichick. Good for you Browns! Look where sticking to your morals got you. 207 regular season losses while Belichick racked up 5 Super Bowls. He could have been doing all of that cheating for you!!
I do not know how to fix the Cleveland Browns, I don’t think anyone does. Maybe they need to see a witch doctor and try to remove whatever curse is upon their franchise. Maybe they need to sign Lebron to play QB. Maybe don’t hire the greatest coach of all time then let him go after 4 seasons. Either way it doesn’t look like things are going to change in Cleveland anytime soon. If I were Mike or any other Browns fan I would stop rooting for this terrible franchise and start focusing all my energy and attention into making sure Lebron doesn’t end up on the Lakers next year.
NFL Week 8 Picks
All Lines used from the Las Vegas Westgate SuperContest
Seahawks -6
7 point tease Saints -2 Raiders +10
Browns +9.5
Seahawks -6
Last week the Seahawks had another one of their sideline episodes. I’ve already written in depth about Seattle and their issues but this team basically has a reality tv show style of drama. The real housewives of seattle might as well be the Seahawks offense vs the Seahawks defense. After the reality show fought and made up on the sidelines they were able to put up 24 unanswered point on a very good Giants defense. Earlier this week the Texans team owner called his employees ‘inmates’ and much to no ones surprise many of his employees took offense to being called ‘inmates.’ There is a possibility some Texans players won’t play because of their bosses comments which means all aboard the Seattle train. Pete Carroll is 7-1 against rookie QBs in is time as the Seahawks head coach. As good as Deshaun Watson has looked, playing against the Seahawks defense in Seattle is a whole different story. Seattle by double digits.
7 point tease Saints -2 Raiders +10
I’ve avoided the tease temptation the last 2 weeks but I can’t stay away 3 weeks in a row. The Saints have been on a tear lately mostly because they finally have a defense holding teams to under 40 points. In Drew Brees had a defense that held teams to under 40 points more than once in his career he would have won 5 Super Bowls like Brady. The Saints are at home playing the Bears who have surprised some people this season, at least in Chicago. On the road the Bears haven’t been as good. They are now starting Mitch Trubisky who completed a grand total of 4 passes last week. They will have to score at least 25 to beat Drew Brees in New Orleans and I don’t think the Bears are capable of doing that.
The Raiders are coming off a mini bye playing last Thursday night. The Raiders finally showed some life last week beating the Chiefs in Oakland in a great game 31-30. The Raiders might have finally got their swagger back, or at least are finally going to score some points. They go to Buffalo who has started off a surprising 4-2. This game is going to be close and I think the Raiders have a good chance to win, and if they don’t they will keep it a single digit game.
Browns +9.5
I’m breaking all sorts of my rules with this pick. Beating on the 0-7 Browns. Picking a game in London that will be played at 6:30 am Pacific time. I don’t think the Browns will win this game but I think they can keep the game in single digits. The Browns will make Mike Poke and everyone else in the Factory of Sadness happy by covering the spread in London. If the Browns can manage to score 9 or 10 points it should be enough to cover. The Vikings are starting Case Keenum at QB, and still have injuries to their best offensive players Dalvin Cook and Stefon Diggs. This should be the last start for Case Keenum as Teddy Bridgewater is set to comeback from major knee surgery. No matter what Keenum does in this game he is losing his job to Bridgewater. I don’t expect Keenum to be able to put up over 20 points with limited weapons playing across the pond. Finally the Browns will see a glimmering light of hope, covering the spread on their way to 0-8.
Record to date: Fewer-More
Thank you to everyone for reading. Be sure to check out Bart’s Best Bets for college picks and come back next week for more NFL. Happy week 8 everyone and remember don’t let your life get in the way of your football.
Double COVERage 