Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 9th straight week. Welcome to NFL Sunday.
"If you listen to the fans, you'll be sitting with them" - Kevin Spacey
Another week, another 0-3 on my picks, I have no idea why anyone reads this or asks my opinion on football anymore. What kind of idiot takes the Browns? Spin Zone though, we are halfway through the season and historically this is where I hit my stride as a handicapper. Its difficult to predict what is going to happen in the unpredictable NFL and that’s part of what makes it so fun. This week is a great example. Did you know the NFL had a trade deadline? Me either, that’s why I was so surprised to see so many key players switch teams this week. Apparently the NFL was jealous of all the attention the NBA gets when it comes to offseason and trade deadline moves they decided to step their game up.
Kelvin Benjamin to the Bills, Jay Ajayi to the Eagles, and Jimmy G to the 49ers. While these might not seem like complete game changers these were some very impactful players switching teams during the normally quite NFL trade deadline. The Eagles and Bills both seem to be looking to make a playoff run, acquiring some help to their offenses. The most interesting trade deadline move seems to be the Patriots moving backup QB Jimmy Garroppolo to the 49ers for a second round pick. First this shows the Patriots are prepared for known cheater and avocado ice cream advocate Tom Brady to play well into his 40s and the foreseeable future. Second this shows 49ers GM John Lynch does not like what he sees in the 2018 draft class of QBs. The Niners will almost certainly have a top 3 pick in this years draft, which would be the ideal spot to take either Sam Darnold, Josh Rosen, Josh Allen, or Mason Rudolph. With this trade Lynch is essentially saying he will not be taking any of them and handing the franchise over to the most handsome backup QB in the league, Jimmy G. The last part of this that is interesting is how will Jimmy G look away from the friendly confines of Brady and Belichick. Every QB that has left New England in the Belichick era has not lived up to expectations, will Jimmy G be more of the same? Time will tell.
Now most of these trades, although impactful, are not all that exciting. Who really cares if teams are sending 4th round picks back and forth? Yawn!! But what if the NFL trade deadline was as exciting as the NBA? What if teams really moved players and personnel that would turn heads? I’m not saying I could do a better job than every GM in the NFL, but I could do better than probably half of them. Well here are my favorite moves I would make if I were in charge.
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Tom Brady to the Browns in exchange for every Browns first round pick for the rest of the century
Finally a chance to see what Mr. deflategate is really made of. I’d love to see how much the 3 hours a day of yoga and avocado ice cream helps when he’s running for his life behind the Browns offensive line. Brady is often thrown around as the greatest to every play QB and possibly the best football player of all time. With this trade we would really find out. Could Brady lead the Browns to a .500 record? Could he turn Hue Jackson into the new Bill Belichick. Did I mention Josh Gordon is back? Gordon has been suspended for 54 games for Marijuana use. (Because if you really want someone to stop smoking Marijuana you should give them 2 and half years off work.) Josh Gordon and Tom Brady would easily become the most fun pass connection in all of football. If Brady could win a few games for the Browns and the Cavs continue to lose maybe the front running king Lebron would ditch basketball and come play tight end for Brady and the Browns.
2. Calvin Johnson to the Chiefs in exchange for Eric Berry
The 6-2 Chiefs look like one of the best offenses in the NFL, all they are really missing is a big outside receiver. Enter Megatron. Johnson just turned 32 and still has some left in the tank after a year off. The stupid Lions are one of the only franchises to never make a super bowl, while somehow having one of the top 3 running backs in the history of football and one of the top 3 wide receivers in the history of football. Finally Megatron will be free of the abysmal Lions and have a chance to play in the playoffs and win a ring. The Chiefs can officially make this an all in move by sacrificing Eric Berry who is out the rest of the season with a torn Achilles. Berry wasn’t gonna help the Chiefs win this year but Megatron can. In 2004 the Andy Reid led Eagles picked up Terrell Owens and he took them all the way to the Super Bowl, Megatron could do the same for the Chiefs.
3. Jerry Jones to the Mavericks in exchange for Mark Cuban
Jerry Jones and Mark Cuban don’t actually have much in common. They are both billionaires, own teams in Dallas, and are constantly thirsty for the spotlight. After that the similarities stop especially with how they run their teams. Jones has been outspoken against players kneeling for the national anthem (which they have the constitutional right to do.) going as far to say any Cowboys player who kneels for the anthem will not play. Cuban has always been an advocate for his players and if possibly is considered a players owner. Picture Cuban being allowed to voice his opinion in an NFL owners meeting. All of a sudden we could see some big changes in the NFL. At the very least Cuban would be a threat to be thrown out of any game for fighting with officials on the sideline. Now picture 75 year old anthem protest hating Jerry Jones in charge of an NBA team, a league which is prominently African America if you didn’t know. The reaction from Jerry Jones when Lebron James showed up to Dallas in a ‘I can’t breathe’ shirt would be priceless.
4. Tony Romo to Green Bay in exchange for Aaron Rodgers
Everyone on the planet is apparently the world’s biggest fan of Tony Romo the broadcaster. Maybe everyone forgot how much fun it is to watch Tony Romo lead a game winning drive down the field just to have him bobble the snap on the extra point and lose the game. Instead of hearing Romo confuse Jim Nantz on Thursday Night football why not watch him almost win games for his hometown Green Bay Packers. The Packers are more dependent on the QB than almost every other team in the league. When Rodgers broke his collar bone their season might as well be done. Enter Romo, Tony gives some life to the Packers while Rodgers goes up into the booth until his collar bone is healed. Rodgers is every bit the celebrity as Romo with the bonus of actually being a great QB in the NFL. Romo makes the Packers interesting, Rodgers keeps Jim Nantz on his toes and when Rodgers is healthy they switch back.
5. Deshaun Watson’s right ACL in exchange for Tom Savage’s right ACL
Last Sunday the Seahawks and Texans played what is probably going to be remembered as the greatest regular season game of 2017. Seahawks won 41-38 but Deshaun Watson won the hearts of America for absolutely balling out in one of the toughest places to play in the league. Texans games were quickly becoming must see tv and then Thursday Watson tore his ACL in practice. Every football fan had to feel terrible for him and then themselves for not being able to see him play any more this year. My trade deadline wish? Can Dr. James Andrews preform some kind of surgery to give Watson a healthy ACL so he can continue to play. Tom Savage doesn’t need his ACL might as well do what he has to do for the team and give his ACL to Watson. The city of Houston and football fans everywhere thank you for your service Mr. Savage.
NFL Week 9 Picks
All lines used from the Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest
Broncos +7
Bucs +7
Cowboys -2.5
Broncos +7
I’ve had some stupid bets this season, but taking Brock Osweiler starting on the road against the team with the best record in the league? I’m off my rocker crazy. But the Broncos are a desperate team, this is a fork in the road moment for their season right here. They still have one of the best defenses in the league and their defense knows they have to nearly pitch a shutout to have a chance to win. As for the Eagles? They can’t keep blowing teams out forever. The Eagles are due to play a close game. Please Brock just don’t turn the ball over, score 10 points and hope your defense gets a pick 6 or 2.
Bucs +7
Tampa Bay has been absolutely terrible the last 4 weeks going on a 4 game losing streak. Part of the Bucs problem is their QB Jameis Winston was injured against Arizona and hasn’t been 100% healthy since. The Big problem with Tampa is their defense hasn’t been able to stop anyone. The Saints on the other side have been on a 5 game winning streak and surprisingly have a decent defense for the first time since they were paying their players to hurt opponents (people don’t forget). Even though everything about this matchup says the Saints dominate and continue their winning streak I’m betting the opposite will happen this week. The Bucs are a desperate team looking to save their season. Give me the desperate team getting +7 all day.
Cowboys -2.5
Dallas vs. Kansas City is by far the best matchup on the board for Sunday and Ezekiel Elliott is playing. Kansas City played Monday night and is going to Dallas on a short week. The Chiefs defense has not looked great the last 2 weeks, giving up 31 points to the Raiders, and giving up 19 points to the Broncos. And giving up 19 points to the Broncos is like giving up 45 points to a normal team. The Cowboys should control this game with Ezekiel Elliott and he will make the difference in this game. The Cowboys have blown out teams two weeks in a row and I think they will continue their winning streak at home. The Chiefs losing this game makes sense because next week is their bye and nothing is more guaranteed than the Chiefs winning coming off their bye week in week 11.
Record to date: 0-0 so far this week
Thank you to everyone for reading. Be sure to check out Bart’s Best Bets for college picks and come back next week for more NFL. Happy week 9 everyone and remember don’t let your life get in the way of your football.
Double COVERage 