Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 17th straight week. Welcome to NFL Sunday.
“This year I just wanna go on adventures. Be around good energy. Connect with people. Learn new things. Grow.” – Nick Saban.
We are in the last week of football for the 2017 year. What a bittersweet time, there are only mere weeks left before we enter the dark time between the end of football and March Madness, aka sports hell. Sports hell can be a scary time for anyone so if you know a loved one that is struggling with this reality I’m sure there is a 1-800 number you could call. The good news is 2018 is starting off with bowl games on New Years day followed by the NFL playoffs. SPORTS HELL ISNT HERE YET!!
This last week of the year isn’t just a great time to spend all day in front of the tv watching football, its also a great time for personal reflection. Not for personal growth, knowledge or relationship building, but how many predictions you got wrong. So here is my personal reflection on all the things I got wrong in 2017.
- Falcons would win SB51: lets just not even go there.
- UCLA would make the final 4: LONZO HOW COULD YOU COME UP SO SMALL IN AN ELITE 8 GAME AND LAVAR SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND TEACH YOUR SON TO PLAY SOME DEFENSE.
- Oregon basketball would win the national title: this one was so close, if Jordan Bell boxes out one time...
- Russ vs KD was going to be the playoff matchup of the decade: turns out if one player scores all the points, passes for all the assists, and gets all the rebounds; the team ends up not being very good.
- The Cavs were a lock to cover +3 at home in game 3 of the NBA finals: Lebron failing to cover as a home dog down 0-2 in the Finals should be grounds to strip at least one of his titles.
- The Big 12 would be the worst power 5 conference for football: not the first time doubting Baker Mayfield cost me. Also preseason I made a vow to not bet on Big 12 football and it lasted a whole week.
- The Chargers would be the worst team in the AFC West and go under 7.5 wins: who woulda thought a team that plays in a soccer stadium with half the crowd rooting against them. Also thanks Broncos and Raiders for massively underachieving.
- Jameis Winston and the Bucs were in for a break out year: I drank the hard knocks kool aid. I drafted Jameis as my fantasy QB. I bet the Bucs over 8 wins. Now I have to eat my W.
- The Buffalo Bills were tanking the season after trading every good player right before the season and would go under 6.5 wins: I swear no team was luckier than the Bills in 2017 when it came to getting turnovers. I watched every stupid Bills game all season and every game they would have the opposing teams receiver drop a pass and it fall right into a Bills players hands.
- The Patriots would cut Tom Brady and name Jimmy G the starting QB: Now I was wrong about this prediction, but its starting to look like they should have listened to me…
- Trevor Siemian is the Broncos answer at QB: Wow was this one bad. After 2 games I was all in on the Broncos. A few weeks later Siemian looked like he wouldn’t have been able to start for a Big 10 team. How does a HOFer like John Elway go into the season thinking he had a QB on the roster capably of leading his team to an above .500 record?
- I bet on the Browns 3 times: There should be a therapy group for people stupid enough to keep betting on the Browns. THE ONLY COVERED THE SPREAD 3 TIMES ALL YEAR. I know 0-16 looks bad but I promise you 3-12 ATS is much worse.
So I was wrong a lot this year. You’d think someone who claims to know as much about sports as I do would be right more often than not. If you are laughing at my inability to predict things trust me I feel much worse about all of these, as each of these cost me various amounts of money.
Another tradition people tend to practice this time of year is resolutions. That thing where you promise to finally go on a diet, or exercise every morning; or stop putting your ex girlfriend’s name and address down for more information and visits from Jehovah’s Witness groups and signing her email address up on websites that are advertising for potential Porno actors, or writing her personal cell number on the wall of bathroom stalls saying ‘call for a good time’; you know silly things like that. This year I don’t need to make any resolutions because I am basically living a flawless life to this point. But I do have some advice for NFL teams heading into the playoffs and what their resolutions should be.
Philadelphia Eagles fans:
Stop believing in Nick Foles. Sorry Eagles fans but its not happening this year. Yeah your team is good, and yeah you have the best record in the NFL. But Nick Foles is not going to lead you to a Super Bowl. The Eagles Super Bowl chances died with Carson Wentz’s ACL. Don’t go into 2018 thinking this is the year. Nick Foles might be able to beat the Giants on the road but he’s not making a playoff run. Your team is solid, and Carson Wentz will come back healthy next year and hopefully for many years to come.
LA Rams fans:
How about you actually show up to your teams games? You have a team that is one of the most exciting to watch in the league. Todd Gurley might end up winning the MVP and he’s out here asking fans to show up to games. Start appreciating what you have in this team or they might end up leaving you like they did 30 years ago. The Rams might not even want to host a playoff game because their worried more fans of an opposing team will take over the stadium. Just appreciate what you have Rams fans, actually show up to the games in the playoffs and don’t make your team use the silent count at home in the playoffs.
Pittsburgh Steelers fans:
Stop criticizing James Harrison for signing with the Patriots. The man is the all time sack leader for your historic franchise. How about show him some respect and remember all the great years he gave you. Most likely he won’t even play much for the Pats and they will end up cutting him a week before the Super Bowl.
While we’re at it, James Harrison, how about you make a resolution to not sign with your teams biggest rival again. You might think this is very specific for this year but James Harrison actually signed with the Bengals back in 2013. No one is right in this situation.
New England Patriots fans:
How about chill out with the ‘Roger Goodell hates the Pats and the league is out to get us’ shtick. After deflate gate last year all Pats fans do is complain about how much the league office hates the Patriots. That’s in the past and now the Patriots have benefited from the league’s stupid catch-no catch rules in back to back weeks. Sure does seem like the officiating and league rules favor the Patriots in the last couple weeks and just pushed the Pats to yet another year of home field advantage. So give it a rest how the league office and Roger are rooting against you, they aren’t! Just the rest of the country is rooting against you.
And speaking of Roger…
Roger Goodell:
How about in 2018 Roger you just try to be consistent. When you suspend a player one game for diving at a defensless players head, you can’t suspend a different player next week 2 games for a much lighter hit just because you can. We all know you have too much power Roger but how come your use of power never makes sense. Also concussions are real, and playing football causes them. If I were you I’d probably start looking more into that. Please stop telling fans there isn’t evidence that playing football causes concussions, it definitely does. You can pee in the face of every NFL fan, just don’t tell us it’s raining.
Week 17 NFL Picks:
All Lines Used from the Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest.
Broncos -4
49ers -4
Colts -5.5
Broncos -4
Week 17 is a wonky time. Almost every game is meaningless for a majority of people involved. Also it takes place on New Years Eve so after the games everyone is gonna get drunk and forget any of the games even happened. Let’s start with the Broncos who are trying desperatly to prove Paxton Lynch wasn’t the worst 1st round QB Pick in the last 5 years. Denver has had a terrible year but that doesn’t mean they can’t win a final game at home against the Chiefs JV squad who is resting players for next weeks Wild Card round.
49ers -4
Oh Jimmy G, please forgive me for betting against you last week as a home dog. I honestly thought the Jags were about to steam roll over the rest of the league. Somehow I forgot Jimmy G is undefeated as a starter. The road for future Hall of Famer Jimmy Garoppolo actually gets easier this week as he takes on a division rival who is also sitting its starters to rest up for next weeks Wild Card round. Chalk up another meaningless win for Jimmy and a worse draft spot for the Niners.
Colts -5.5
Wow the Colts have had a bad year. It started with the entire organization lying to itself saying Andrew Luck was going to be able to make it back for the start of the year, and it ended with uncertainty if Andrew Luck will ever be able to throw a football again. The Colts really are horrible and will continue to be if they don’t start making changes this offseason. You wanna know who’s even worse than the Colts? The Texans. If you haven’t payed attention to the last few weeks, the Texans are really really bad. So bad they’ve started recruiting rappers to play QB. The Texans have been outscored 79-13 in their last 2 games. How were they able to even score 13 points in those games? Deandre Hopkins is a freak that’s why. The problem is Hopkins isn’t playing Sunday like so many other super stars. Will the Texans even be able to get a first down without him? Maybe. Either way the Colts are winning this game.
Record to date: 22-24-2
Thank you to everyone for reading. Happy end to the regular season everyone its been a blast. Come back next week for picks on every Wild Card weekend game. Until then please remember don’t let your life get in the way of your football.
Double COVERage 