Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 18th straight week. Welcome to NFL Sunday.
AHHHH the most glorious time of the football season is here, the NFL playoffs. 32 teams battled through concussions, Thursday Night football, and being coached by Hue Jackson to eliminate 20 teams and leave us with 12 remaining teams, any of whom besides the Bills Titans Eagles or any other team who sustains a major injury during the playoffs can win the Super Bowl. The teams that are remaining have worked very hard to be playing in January and will come out battling because it all could be over any week. I will take the same approach when watching these games. This is what we’ve worked all season for and we need to bring our A game. We’ve got only 11 professional football games left before we are left in the darkness for 2 months waiting for March Madness to start.
Before we get to the games for this weekend I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge the 20 teams who did not make the playoffs. For these teams, their season is a failure. They are all losers who don’t deserve to put on pads for another 8 months. They should all hang their heads in shame as they sit on their couches like the rest of us watching the playoffs.
Many of these teams fired coaches or personnel which I’ve said before is wrong. Most coaches in sports are let go too quickly. Rich Owners who know nothing about football always need someone to blame for the reason their team isn’t perfect and that always falls on the head coach. With that being said Black Monday is always very interesting in the NFL, but this Monday fell on New Years day. The most hungover day in the American Calendar just got worse for some NFL head coaches as 5 teams will have different head coaches next year. The predicted number of coaches fired was actually around 7 or 8. Now its tough to say that someone should lose their job but with that being said, there are plenty of people in professional football who are not good at their jobs. In a perfect world there would be plenty of different people fired besides just the coaches let go Monday. If I were king of the NFL, here’s who I’d be letting go at the end of the season.
- Whoever is responsible for trading Jimmy Garoppolo: If there is any downside to the NFL playoffs starting its not being able to bet on Jimmy Garoppolo every week anymore. All he does is win games, week in and week out. How is it possible that this dude was traded for only a 2nd round pick? Friday morning ESPN dropped a bombshell report saying there is infighting in New England, and in part it is due to Jimmy Garoppolo being on the roster as Brady’s successor. Its still unclear who’s idea it was to get rid of Jimmy G in New England but regardless whoever is responsible needs to be fired immediately. The Pats had an Ace up their sleeve and threw it away.
- Mark Davis Raiders Owner: The Raiders were one of the teams to fire their coach on Black Friday and it was immediately speculated that former Raiders coach and ESPN resident crazy color commentator Jon Gurden would replace Jack Del Rio as the Raiders head coach. This stupid for a couple reasons, 1, Gruden is and has always been overrated as a coach. His career winning percentage is not great and he’s ridden the glory of a super bowl win of a team he inherited from a much better coach, Tony Dungy. 2, the Raiders are going to pay Jon Gruden 100 million dollars over 10 years?!?! What?!?! So the Raiders are going to pay Gruden and Carr a combined 225 million dollars. Nevermind I don’t want to fire Mark Davis because this train wreak is going to be too exciting the next couple years as the Raiders go from Oakland where everyone now hates them, to Las Vegas where no one cares. What could go wrong.
- Joe Flacco, John Harbaugh, anyone else associated with the Ravens: Everyone’s hot pick to make noise in the AFC playoffs somehow didn’t even make the playoffs because they couldn’t stop Andy Dalton on 4th and 12? Nothing is more embarrassing than making Andy Dalton look good. The Ravens should also be disgusted letting Tennessee and Buffalo take their playoff spots. Now the rest of us have to watch the Bills and Titans get smacked on Wild Card weekend. Shame on you Ravens why did you do this. Why did you let Andy Dalton and the Bengals look good. Speaking of…
- Andy Dalton, Marvin Lewis, anyone else associated with the Bengals front office: How is it possible that the biggest play of Andy Dalton’s career is the fact he won a game in week 17 that sent his team to a 6-10 record and knocked a division rival out of the playoffs? Andy Dalton is 0-4 in the playoffs and he may never win a playoff game so this could be the biggest moment we will ever remember from Andy Dalton. Send him to Buffalo they love him there. Marvin Lewis on the other hand got a contract extension? The coach who constantly underachieves is better than actually spending money and getting anyone else? Why does the Bengals owner hate anything that resembles change?
- Anyone who decided putting NFL teams in LA was a good idea: You wanna go to the Rams game Saturday? Want to sit anywhere in the stadium? Want to bring 10 of you closest friends? All of these things are still possible because LA people hate football. I’ve already wrote about this before but LA sports fans are the worst. How are their still this many tickets available for the first Rams playoff game in over 25 years?
- Jerry Jones: Would Jerry Jones just retire and go live in Florida like most people his age. No one causes his own team more problems than Jerry. Jason Garrett still has a job as Coach of the Cowboys and not because he’s good at his job but because he does the job of taking blame away from who’s really to blame about the team that’s won one game in the playoffs since the 90’s, Jerry Jones.
- Hue Jackson: Hue Jackson is going to have a job coaching professional football in 2018. That sentence is nothing short of a miracle. Jackson is 1-31 in 2 seasons with the Browns. I will admit I am not a talented person. I have very few redeeming qualities. But I am 100% confident if I was able to coach a professional football team for 2 seasons, I could coach them to 1 win. 100% confident.
Wild Card Playoff picks
All lines used from Las Vegas Westgate Superbook
Chiefs -8
Falcons +6
Jaguars -8.5
Panthers +7
Chiefs -8
The Andy Dalton memorial wild card weekend Saturday Afternoon game this year is brought to you by the awkward elephant in the room of Jon Gruden. Next season Gruden will be the head coach of the Raiders, who play in the Chiefs division. Somehow for 3+ hours Gruden will have to find things to say that don’t make it onto the Chiefs bulletin board next year when he comes to town as the Raiders HC. The teams actually playing this game are the Chiefs and Titans both of whom have had stretches this season where they made it impossible to bet on them. For the simple fact the Chiefs are playing at home I will confidently lay the TD and a point on them to beat an inferior opponent at home. Don’t Screw this up Andy Reid.
Falcons +6
My Falcons have not played their best football all season. The drop off from Kyle Shanahan has been drastic. The Rams look like the Falcons from a year ago, scoring 30+ points every week with ease. However, I believe in the Falcons for a couple reasons. First they do have a huge experience advantage. Almost no one in LA has played a playoff game and fewer fans have seen a playoff game. The Falcons know what it takes to win these games. Second, LA is not a true homefield advantage. There are still tickets available for the game in LA because LA sports fans suck. Last reason I like the Falcons, Steve Sarkisian is coming home to the Coliseum where he was the head coach of the USC Trojans. Sark has been the Falcons problem all year and maybe the friendly confines of home will help Sark get his grove back. Hey maybe you start drinking again Sark! Just a couple to loosen up, whatever works.
Jaguars -8.5
I’ve been on the Jacksonville bandwagon all year. I don’t care if this spread is Jags -85 I’m taking them. The Jags have the best defense in the le.. Blah Blah Blah, I’ve been over this all before. If the Jags can get a lead, especially at home, its game over. Unless Sackonville and other teams won’t be able to move the ball. The Jacksonville crowd is going to be insane seeing their first home game in 10 years (because unlike people in LA, people in Florida live for football.) And most importantly the Bills only real weapon, Lesean McCoy is not healthy and even if he plays he won’t be 100%.
Panthers +7
The Panthers limped into the playoffs after barley putting up a fight in week 17 against the Falcons. A game if they would have won, could have given them a home game this week. The Saints also beat the Panthers twice in the regular season, but this line is crazy! Two division rivals facing each other for a third time in the playoffs? How is one team a full TD favorite? I really expect this game to be a defensive battle and really close going down to the wire. Carolina could definitely win this game but if not they should play New Orleans very close.
Double COVERage 