Color Rush – Double COVERage

NFL Week 16 Color Rush: Ben Mcadoo, flying car salesman

College football bowl season is upon us and this Thursday we can take a break from stellar matchups featuring teams like Central Michigan and Western Kentucky to watch some good ol fashion NFC East color rush. This week we can marvel at the football genius that is the coaching matchup of Ben Mcadoo and Doug Peterson. Almost makes Jason Garrett and Jay Gruden seem more appealing (almost), get in the holiday spirit people, this is color rush.

Each week TV networks like HBO, AMC, CBS, and ABC try to but their best programing in the primetime Sunday night slot. The night where all American’s end their weekend by relaxing in front of the tv before the new week starts. And every weekend all those networks are fighting for second place in the ratings, because every Sunday night since the beginning of time Sunday Night football on NBC is the most watched program on tv. Despite this being common knowledge, award winning scientist and alleged nerd Neil deGrasse Tyson believes that if less people were tuning in and contemplating SNF then by now we would be more advanced of a civilization and have important things like flying cars.

Enter Ben Mcadoo, alleged head football coach of the New York football Giants. In his first season as head coach replacing the great Tom Coughlin, Ben has led the Giants to a 10-4 record and the verge of making the playoffs for the first time since 2011. Mcadoo’s reign as head coach has not been without controversy; first was run in’s with the teams superstar and future dancing with the stars contestant Odell Beckham Jr. Then came walkie talkie gate, 2 Sundays ago when the Giants played the Cowboys at home the great NFL technology failed and the Giants had to use 1980’s walkie talkies to voice their play calls in. Seems like a great plan until it was realized football genius Ben Mcadoo didn’t know the rules of his own league and was unaware he couldn’t use outside technology to voice in plays. Who would have guessed that a guy who looks like a rent a cop and calls his plays in on a cheesecake factory menu would not know the rules.

Future offensive coordinators Ben Mcadoo and Doug Peterson can’t even figure out how to score 20 points a game or run an offense as a head coach

(now I last played football as a freshman in HS and I may be just some nerd with a blog but really how hard is it to run the Giants offense? Just throw Odell the ball 20 times a game and he houses at least 2 of them. I’m not even that good at Madden and I figured that out, how come Ben Mcadoo cant?!).

but they are serving their purpose. Without football what would guys like Ben Mcadoo be doing for a living? I could take a few guesses but I highly doubt without football Ben Mcadoo would be inventing flying cars. It took Ben Mcadoo 12 weeks to figure out one of the best athletes in the league might be ok at returning punts. If Neil deGrasse Tyson wants less people to be involved in football I don’t think he wants those same people to be the ones inventing the flying cars, but if Neil ever gets his flying cars I would bet Ben Mcadoo would a great flying car salesman. Just don’t ask him how to convert a 3^rd and 4.

My Thursday Night Football color rush pick: Giants -1.5

This game is in Philadelphia and the home team is 4-1 in the last 5 TNF games. The Eagles are coming off an impressive cover at Baltimore on Sunday where Carson Wentz almost won the game on a 2 point conversion. But they didn’t win, and now the Eagles are officially eliminated from the Playoffs. The Giants on the other side have been terrible on offense the last few weeks and without Odell Beckham wouldn’t be able to put up double digit points. The reason the Giants are the obvious pick is their defense, which has only allowed 12 PPG in their last 4 and only 13 total in their last 2 games. The Giants defense is coming around late in the season much like they did in 2007 and 2011 when they picked up dumb face Eli Manning and carried him to two super bowls. The Giants may very well do that again this year as long as Eli can remember which color his team is wearing.

Last Week: 2-3

Season: 10-5

NFL Week 14 Color Rush: Andy Reid’s Wife is too hot for him

I’ll admit I have a football addiction, I watch any terrible matchup the NFL rolls out on a week night just because I’m excited about a game during the week. I don’t proudly admit this but I watched 3 quarters of a Titans-Jaguars matchup one time on a Thursday night. Its not that I have a gambling problem, its just a football problem. The NFL is finally starting to thank fans everywhere for sitting through terrible Thursday matchups and rewarding us with a second straight great Thursday matchup, The 10-2 Las Vegas Oakland Raiders vs the 9-3 Kansas City Chiefs.

I hate the TV show King of Queens and have hated it ever since it came out. I don’t hate it cause its a pointless show that isn’t funny, I hate it cause I could never get over the fact that as a viewer I’m supposed to believe that Paul Blart is married to that hot chick.

I mean C’MON MAN how stupid is the American television viewer that they kept this show on the air for almost 10 years?! If at any point I tried to watch an episode of that show I wouldn’t be able to focus on what was going on cause I couldn’t get over the fact that he was married to her. That is sort of the same way I felt when I saw Andy Reid’s wife for the first time.

Now Tammy Reid is no Mrs. Bret Bielema (even more of a head scratcher how that douche with a faux hawk was able to land that hard 10.) but Tammy Reid is a very pretty lady especially considering that she is almost 60!! Regardless of how she looks why would any human woman with a pulse be married to the fat, mustached, human version of the kool aid man?

The fact that Andy Reid clearly out kicked his coverage when it comes to his wife can only mean one thing: this man has an extreme amount of self confidence. BartSauce and I like to refer to this as “the Cardale Jones Theory” (which we will elaborate on in a later blog.) Even though his wife is clearly more attractive than him, he married her anyway; and even though his team ranks 29th in total defense entering week 14 they are 9-3 and finding crazy ways to win games. Kansas City has won games this year in ways I didn’t think were possible especially on the road at Carolina, Denver, and last Sunday in Atlanta. The only explanation could be the team has taken on the identity of their head coach. Even though they look in the mirror and they are fat, bald, and have the world’s creepiest mustache; they still go out and play like they look like Channing Tatum.

My Thursday Night Color Rush Pick: Raiders +3.5 over Chiefs

This Thursday Kansas City’s fake confidence gets exposed against a real Super Bowl contender, the future Las Vegas Raiders. The Raiders come into KC on a 6 game winning streak and haven’t lost a game since October 16 when they lost at home to the Chiefs. The fact that the Chiefs beat the Raiders earlier this season will scare off some people but for whatever weird reason the Raiders are actually playing better on the road than at home this season. As for the Chiefs, they have not done their part covering the spread as a home favorite this year. 5 times this season KC has been a home favorite and they are only 1-4 ATS. The Raiders on the other had are 3-0 as a road underdog and that is straight up and ATS! Say no more I’m taking ~~Las Vegas~~ Oakland’s glove buddies Derek Carr and Jack Del Rio to cover over Kansas City and Paul Blart/Kool aid man Andy Reid. I will be back Sunday with my full slate of Week 14 NFL picks.

NFL Week 13 Color Rush: Blair Walsh causes alcoholism

I’m sick and tired of hearing people complain about Thursday Night Football. ‘the games aren’t competitive’ ‘the matchups are terrible’ ‘I can’t watch Thursday night because Grey’s Anatomy is on’ If you have ever said any of the previous phrases I invite you to move to Russia, no Thursday night football in Russia. Now this week there are no college Thursday games which is incredibly sad that college football is almost over but good news is we have a great matchup of 10-1 Dallas vs. 6-5 Minnesota

Here’s how this is going to work, I am going to give my reasoning first then make a pick at the end for who is going to COVER.

My man Bartsauce and I took a trip to Minnesota two years ago to watch a Vikings game and I noticed a few things about that state.

Minneapolis is easily the most annoying place to watch an NFL game as an opposing fan. For those of you that don’t know the Vikings have a fight song, sort of the same way that mediocre high school teams have a fight song. The Vikings play their fight song for everything; first downs, field goals, touchdowns, and in case none of those things happen for them (when your QB is Sam Bradford sometimes you go games without seeing FD, FGs or TDs) they play the song every timeout, quarter or halftime. The song is bottom line a top 5 worst song of all time, right up there with call me maybe, what does the fox say, or anything by Miley Cyrus. I would be surprised if the song was invented by governments to torture prisoners but was determined to be cruel and unusual punishment. I swear I still have nightmares where I’m trapped in a small room with no windows and no doors and nothing but the Vikings fight song playing on a loop, now that is a living hell. On top of being the only team in the world of professional sports with a fight song they also sound a loud Viking horn every time something happens in the game to make sure no one forgets what their mascot is. (note: Vikings wearing horns is not historically accurate and any first year history student could tell you that but no one seemed to tell the good people of Minnesota.)
People in Minnesota like to drink, a lot. Now American traditions are part of what makes this country great and the people of Minnesota love great American traditions; such as voting, standing for the national anthem, or the right to beat your child with a switch. But one of my favorite traditions is having a few adult beverages and watching a football game and the people of Minnesota take this to a whole other level. The good people of Minnesota prepare for a football game the way civil war soldiers would prepare to have have a limb amputated; drink until you can’t feel anything. Bart and I realized the drinking did not stop from Saturday night to the afternoon kickoff at 3:00 Sunday. We went to a bar near the stadium around 11 AM Sunday to eat before the game and the place was standing room only and had a line to get in. During the game was even more impressive when we watched people slamming Miller High Life tall boys for $9 a piece like it was water. Nothing special about seeing people drink at a sporting event but the level at which Minnesota does it is truly impressive.

These two observations led me to one conclusion: Blair Walsh causes alcoholism.

Losing a home playoff game because your kicker misses a 30 yard field goal may be the single most depressing tragedy anyone can go through. After 2 years I’ve finally realized why Vikings fans feel the need to get so drunk that singing the world’s most annoying song 600 times during a game sounds fun, their kickers made them do it. First it was Gary Anderson in the ’98 NFC championship game and more recently it was Blair Walsh. This lack of clutch kicking has turned the beautiful state of Minnesota into the most alcoholic state in the union (maybe, i didn’t fact check that). At last all is well with the Vikings because 2 weeks ago they cut Blair Walsh and are now prepared to not blow another playoff game (because they won’t make the playoffs).

My Thursday Night Color Rush Pick: Vikings +3.5 over Cowboys

Cutting your POS kicker doesn’t only help your fan base cut down on alcoholism but it also helps you cover spreads when you’re getting a field goal and a hook at home. Gambling on Sam Bradford is like eating dog food, there is no real benefit to doing it and no human should ever do it, but somehow ol’ Sammy Sleeves is 4-1 at home ATS as a Viking. However this pick has nothing to do with the Vikings, this is about TNF and the Dallas Cowboys. Home teams on Thursday night have gone 8-3 this season ATS. As for the Cowboys they are an astonishing 9-1-1 ATS this season and 10-1 straight up. If this were college I would be all over Dallas for the rest of the season but in Pro football no team ever ends the season with only 1 loss against the spread. Teams are too good, competition studies film and catches onto schemes, and sportsbooks always end up getting ATS records as close to .500 as possible. The Vikings will keep this game close and maybe their fans won’t need to drink their way through the rest of the season. (their QB is Sam Bradford, so yeah they probably will)