Quick question: What’s better than skipping church, sitting on the couch in a dark room watching the Red Zone channel for 12 hours avoiding all real world responsibilities, and gambling on grown men who probably have CTE? Doing it for the 14th straight week, Welcome to NFL Sunday.
Emergency press conference breaking news: Cam Newton likes fashion. In case you were in a coma for the entire 2015 season let me recap, Cam Newton led the Panthers to a 15-1 record, won the MVP, then got crushed by the Broncos in the Super Bowl and hasn’t been the same since. Also in case you were in a coma for the last 15 months Cam Newton really cares about what he wears. I’d go as far as to call him a fashion icon. Cam Newton is basically the (insert famous fashion designer name here) of the NFL. Cam Newton’s outfit choices have ranged from Pink jacket green hat with feather,
To guy trying to look like Mr. Peanut for Halloween.
After years of being in the news for what he wears, Cam Newton made headlines last week for what he didn’t wear. Last week the Carolina Panthers traveled to Seattle to play the Seahawks on Sunday Night and what happened on the first play of the game no one could have predicted. The Panthers offense came out with backup Derek Anderson at QB and incumbent MVP Cam Newton on the bench. Anderson preceded to throw an INT on the first play and the sports world scratched its collective head in confusion. The Panthers went on to get destroyed by the Seahawks 40-7, but why was the MVP on the sideline for the first play of a very important game? Turns out Mr. Steve Harvey Jr. Cam Newton forgot to wear a tie as apart of the team travel rules and was punished by sitting out the first drive. And the NFL world discovered the only things that can stop Cam Newton are Von Miller Vic Beasley and Neckwear.
I may be the least qualified person ever to write about fashion. Basically my closet consists of 50% Atlanta Falcons t-shirts and 50% free t-shirts from 2003-2011 basketball camps. When I was growing up their were two types of player fashion statements, Tim Duncan and Allen Iverson. Guys who dressed like Tim Duncan were going for the “45 year old white guy at a backyard BBQ look.” Tim Duncan could swap clothes with any random dude in the stands and nothing would look out of place.
On the other side of the spectrum you had Allen Iverson. A player going with the Iverson look would make a fashion statement by trying to dress like Nelly in the Tip Drill video. (Side Note to my Grandma: Hi Grandma, if you happen to read this DO NOT click on the video link please.) Wearing baggy jerseys, do-rags, and at least 5 gold chains. Then the NBA had to turn into the no fun league and implement a dress code. Ever since the dress code in the NBA I feel like I don’t understand professional athlete fashion any more. I thought it was cool to dress like you were going to shoot a music video instead of play football or basketball but what at all is cool about dressing like this?!?!
I’m too young to be this out of touch with what is cool and popular and just like anything I don’t understand and that seems foreign I am going to criticize and belittle it. Cam Newton is at a crossroads and needs to pick a lane. My advice to him is to stop trying to keep up with the Westbrook’s and go with either the Duncan or the Iverson. Either show up to post game press conference looking like your accountant on his day off or show up looking like you’re about to shoot a music video in 2004. Can’t go wrong with either cause both looks are based on Hall of Fame players who would never do something stupid like forget a tie, or steal laptops. (OH YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONNA WRITE A WHOLE BLOG ABOUT CAM NEWTON AND NOT MENTION LAPTOPS OF COURSE NOT HAHAHAHA PEOPLE DONT FORGET.)
NFL WEEK 14 PICKS
All lines used from Las Vegas Westgate Supercontest
Bucs -2 over Saints
Broncos +2 over Titans
Panthers PK over Chargers
Bucs -2 over Saints
I took Tampa Bay last week and I’ve been on them ever since they beat the Chiefs in Kansas City. Some people have been quick to crown the Chiefs the best team in the AFC and only a few weeks ago they lost to Tampa Bay at home. Tampa has put together a 4 game winning streak and have been 4-0 ATS in those games. The only person who could have predicted the Bucs would get this hot after starting so slow is my little brother who is a huge Bucs fan. So thanks to him I’ve payed attention to Tampa this year and they are on fire right now. More importantly their defense has held teams to 13 PPG in their 4 game winning streak. I expect the Bucs D to hold Drew Brees and the Saints offense in check but not actually injury anyone on the Saints because intentionally injuring other players is wrong.
Broncos +2 over the Titans
The Titans have quietly been really solid this year with Marcus Mariota coming into his own as a pro and the renaissance of Demarco Murray. (coincidentally the renaissance of Demarco Murray happened right after he escaped from an obese racist college coach.) This matchup should favor the Titans who have been great at stopping the run and running the ball sort of like a poor man’s Dallas. Also Titans are coming off a buy and playing at home, so why would anyone take the opponent. Because the Broncos are the defending super bowl champs and they are somehow underdogs in this game!!! I will take the Denver Defense getting points any time. I don’t care if Lynch, Siemian, or intoxicated 56 year old John Elway playing QB I am taking the Broncos Defense to beat the Titans.
Panthers PK over Chargers
I know I know I just spent 700 words above this bashing Cam Newton and the Panthers. The Panthers have been horrible this season straight up and against the spread, 4-8 on the season and 3-9 ATS. They just got destroyed on the national game of the week in Seattle 40-7 and they were officially eliminated for the playoffs. Why would anyone want to take the Panthers in this game?! Ron Rivera thats why. I did some research and in turns out Ron Rivera was a member of the 1985 Chicago Bears, and if listening to endless hours of sports talk radio has taught me anything its that the ’85 Bears were the greatest thing to ever happen to mankind. If Ron Rivera’s toughness and pride has rubbed off on his team even the smallest amount they will find a way to win this game at home against an inferior opponent. Football is all about pride and testicular fortitude and we’re about to find out if the Panthers have either, I believe they do.
Teaser of the Week:
Some of you might not know this but I am a massive Atlanta Falcons fan. I do not bet on the Falcons because it makes me nervous but I feel comfortable putting them in a tease cause the thought of the Falcons losing to Jeff Fisher might put me in a coma. Even without Julio Jones and Jake Mathews I expect the Falcons to win in LA. Detroit may not be a super bowl contender but they are a good football team. The Bears may have helmets and jerseys but it remains to be seen if they are actually even a real team, give me Detroit to win at home. As for MNF, I love the Ravens and apparently so does Vegas cause this game opened at Patriots -10 and has moved all the way down to -7, I will gladly take the Ravens +14 on the Teaser and expect this game to be a lot closer than people think.
This Week: 0-1 (thanks a lot Derek Carr)
Double COVERage 